Now a Word about Portland, OR

The human brain is wired to believe other humans. Back in the cave, if Igor said: "Good mammoth meat lies a few tree lengths behind big rock", why wouldn't you trust him and trot on over for the scrumptious feast?

But alas, this naive ability to believe can easily be used to deceive fellow humans.

As this post is coming to you from the vicinity of Portland, Oregon- clarification is in order.

I can't defend the antics of Portland 2020-- when youthful pent up energy met pandemic lockdown boredom. Daily peaceful protests would often morph into chaos. And attention seeking anarchists took the opportunity to run amok and burn shit.

Well life goes on and now it's 2025. Waterfront music festivals have returned, suits are back to working downtown and Portland's new mayor was elected solely on the platform of ending homelessness within one year. Does this sound like a war zone?

Yes, there are current protests in front of the ICE building-- but not very large, and usually calm. This takes place on one city block in a city that is 145 square miles.

Families every day continue to gather and dine at the Old Spaghetti Factory restaurant right next door to the Portland ICE building. Seriously, right next door. 

No matter your political persuasion, blatant public lies by a US presidential administration should scare your political pants off and leave you shivering 😱😱😱

Putin for Dummies

As the Tangerine-In-Chief just happened to recognize that Czar Putin, may in fact be evil. More rational beings wonder-- why does it take so long for sanity to seep in under hair plugs?

First, one must accept that Tangerine man is a simple man. Thus anything unfamiliar is not understandable. Things like Indian food, computers or Hawaii being a state. All confusing.

And to him, there are 4 categories of people: Perverted, shifty, hot, or post-menopausal bitch.

Putin is neither perverted, nor hot. No amount of horseback riding will fix this. Some may argue that Putin is in fact shifty--as Trump naively assumed. However, any unclassified intelligence briefing will tell you: Russian shifty is not American shifty.

American shifty : underpaying contractors, porn star hush money and hawking crappy steaks.

Russian shifty : lacing drinks with uranium, pushing scientists out windows and The Gulag.

Thoughts and Prayers for Big Balls

Let's say an entitled rich boy, tactfully known as Big Balls, carouses about DC in the wee hours of the night and unfortunately endures an attempted car jacking. Is the proper response to summon the National Guard and declare a national emergency?

Let's compare this to innocent schoolchildren, attending public school in the middle of the day, becoming victims of and dying in a school shooting. Almost always committed by young, angry, white men with legally acquired AR 47 weapons. But of course this warrants no serious solutions, yet garners hollow "thoughts and prayers"

Wouldn't the parents and survivors of mass shootings truly appreciate federal outrage and assistance? Perhaps putting a stop to wacko conspiracy theories cruelly suggesting shootings are fake? Or how about enacting some sort of common sense laws preventing the angry and insane from easily procuring automatic weapons?

Until this double standard gets rectified, we equalize the response.

Thoughts and prayers for Big Balls. May they swing freely in your tight britches.  

A Tale of Two Pit Bulls

Pit Bull. No other dog breed stirs up some up more emotion. Are they ruthless killers? Or loyal companions, misunderstood by all except those patient parolees?

Our goofball poodle mix was recently walking its human on a leash when, bam! out of nowhere a pit bull appears, grabs on the poodles leg (for being a dork, I assume) and does not let go. Kicking, screaming didn't help. Only the owner got the pit to release by punching his own dog in the face. The poodle on the other hand, ended up with stitches and a new sense of the world being an unjust place for the placid.

By some bizarre pit bull wand, that same week a relatives pit mix happened to start some shit at doggie daycare. Outcome of the recipient of his wrath was not so good.

No doubt pits make cute, loyal family pets! BUT, Historically speaking, this was a breed of dog bred for bloodsports. You can't erase or wish away that breeding anymore than hoping your husky won't run away from home (hint--it will)

Lots of weapons are allowed in the USA, so its fine by me if you want some damn dangerous pet in your care. Get a bear, pit bull, alligator, ostrich, wolf, inbred cousin. Just don't delude yourself by cuteness and recognize the responsibility that comes with owning a pet that can also act as a weapon. So keep the safety lock on!

Where are the Obese Children in Rich Neighborhoods?

No matter your political persuasion, everyone agrees the numbers are real: US children are increasingly unhealthy 😞

Mental health aside (which knows no economic boundaries) let's address why oh why, the sporty look alike kids form swanky neighborhoods are not pre-diabetic, obese and asthmatic?? Could it be.... because they aren't poor? Gasp!

Yet our cruelty driven Trump fueled party believes it can somehow improve health outcomes that are linked to poverty.... with.... more poverty!! Forcing unwanted babies to be brought to term for those that can't leave the state, cutting food assistance programs and medicaid.

As if with less food assistance funds, poor moms are going to put on their jogging shorts, drop junior off at soccer and trot on over to Whole foods to stock up on organic broccoli and milk?

Stressed out parents wading through poverty, don't want their kids to be unhealthy. But they do know that cheap food will placate their kids stuck at home in unsafe neighborhoods! And  kids hooked on sweet cereals and sodas, with no affordable replacement nutrition, aren't going to be miraculously "fixed" with RFK Fit Bits. But maybe they could all become Kennedy's?

Why Can't I Be a Paid Protester?

 As denizens of LA light self driving Waymo's on fire and dance raucously in the streets, the GOP talking class solemnly appears on FOX news. Reassuring pearl clutching MAGA maggots, that once again-- these are obviously "paid troublemakers", not concerned citizens.

This blatant GOP lie pales in comparison to the aggravation they are causing by omitting-- How? How does one apply for this absolutely fabulous employment opportunity !? 

 Do they not recognize that most citizens of Portland, Oregon gleefully Google: "How to be paid to Torch Tesla?" Or "Can I at least get free Burger King on No King's day?" But alas, they are greeted by silence and disappointment. The merriment of trouble making continues to be reserved for privileged volunteers. No matter your credentials in anarchy, protesting don't pay.

 

 

Those Prickly Presidential Polls

So now our swashbuckling tangerine man is complaining about low poll numbers 😏Ridiculous. For a stable genius who effortlessly hacked populism via red trucker cap and musing about shower pressure, all of a sudden understanding voters has become an enigma!

He almost got it. Did seem to notice the old fashioned term "groceries", was perplexingly brought up by maga minions. Knew enough to at least lie and promise to bring down grocery costs on day one. Which of course is totally impossible, but no worries, promised it anyway.

Now the orange grump is confused that the voters noticed, even calling it fraud. Because they noticed that 'old fashioned' groceries have not gone down in cost at all. Nor has gasoline, housing or anything else for that matter. The smoke and mirrors are beginning to clear and voters can see that their emperor has no clothes (but with a biggly bmi should remain on).