Radical New Exercise Machines!

 Dear Dingo:

I can not stand the sound of my neighbors' leaf blower any longer! Not only does he use the obnoxious thing for leaves-- but also for dirt, dust and debris! Help!

Dear Frustrated:

Please let your neighbor know about the new and cost effective exercise plans:

Radical Raking!

Purchase a long-handled gizmo called a RAKE. Available now at your local hardware or big box store! Next, practice using the 'rake'--a simple back and forth, back and forth motion. Move leaves into piles or mulch for free compost. Lastly, make your lazy leaf blowing neighbor jealous, by instragraming your buff muscle pics. 

For dirt: Sexy Sweeping!

Purchase something called a "broom". For those unfamiliar with a 'broom'- it is the pole like thing that witches use for flying. Please do not attempt flying at home, that is for expert level only.

Just like for raking; use back and forth motion. This act is called sweeping. Again, place dirt into small piles and place in trash. (Note* requires taking responsibility for your own debris, unlike leaf blowing where it is simply moved onto the neighbors property).

For sexier sweeping, try wearing fish net stockings and a horned skullcap hat.

Catholics Can Save the Earth !

 Dear Dingo:

Everyone is talking about Judge Amy Barrett. Your thoughts?

Answer:

Yes, of course contentious abortion...BUT the silver lining--if she follows Catholicism, make sure she really follows Catholicism--not just pick and choose one political issue!

 In case you missed it: Pope Francis currently has supreme authority over the Catholic church. Which means, if Judge Amy is appointed--hold her accountable to the teachings of Francis!

Why do I say that? Because the current Pope is actually pretty woke. Anti death penalty, anti war, anti capitalism, anti racism and pro-environment ! Sounds more like a lib to me ;)

In case you missed it, the Pope spoke at a recent Climate change TED talk on October 10, 2020.

The Pope is clear that climate change is the greatest threat to life our Earth has ever seen – and that it is caused by humans. Even wrote a book: "Laudato si"

“The current economic system is unsustainable. We are faced with a moral imperative ... to rethink many things,” he said, listing means of production, consumerism, waste, indifference to the poor, and harmful energy sources.

Will our faithful potential Judge feel the same way, or will she be Anti-Catholic??

Victim Blaming??

Dear Dingo:

I am confused as to why some GOP lawmakers want Nancy Pelosi to apologize for "victim blaming", after she suggested it was no surprise Trump fell ill with Covid. Is not this the same Trump who mocked Joe Biden during the debates for being Covid cautious, including needling him about his "biggest face mask" ??

Answer:

Yes, the GOP--always looking out for the victims!  

Now you know if you have studied hard for a test and get an A, the kid who did not study and got an F is simply a victim!

Or how about mocking someone for using "the biggest condom", while you have unprotected intercourse-- becoming the "victim" of gonorrhea! Luckily the GOP feels your pain and discomfort.

New Slogan For Jill Biden

"I will give a Fuck about the Christmas decorations" 

enough said.

Not Doomed Yet

Dear Dingo:

Weird Al Yancovich put out a song today: "America is Doomed, the Musical".

Oh my. Should I move to Canada or Mexico?

Answer:

Tough luck--neither country is opening their borders to silly Americans any time soon. You are stuck here with the rest of us Gringo!

In the meantime...Cheer up, we are not doomed (yet).  Elected officials must have some recollection (or at least a manual somewhere) on how to act like civil adults, once the Tasmanian devil is expelled...

And no matter how many times the giant toddler screams about voter fraud, he is to be ignored. Remember-- this is a man who was undermined by clever Tik Tok teens tanking his Tulsa rally!

Please Share the Debate Drugs

 Dear Dingo:

What to make of Trumpsters crazy claim, that Biden is taking some sort of drugs to increase his cognitive performance?

Answer:

If Trump really thought Biden was taking some sort of miracle cognition pills, he would ask for some too. Not because Trumpster thinks his own fuzzy brain could benefit from these mystery pills,  but because Trump LOVES money. Imagine the sales potential here!

New from AstraZeneca: 

"Ask your doctor about JoeCog. The only FDA approved substance to increase your IQ biggly! No side effects! Safe for Gramps and Meemaw!  Dementia is last weeks news with JoeCog! You too can have the stamina to debate your favorite Socialist for hours on end! Ask for it by name: JoeCog ."

(not available in Alaska, Hawaii or Puerto Rico) 

How to Campaign in 2020

 Dear Dingo:

 Lies, crazy speak, gaffes, conspiracy theories and ladies with guns seem to be the only thing making political headlines these days. Where are the policy discussions?

Answer:

America has now become one big Tik Tok or Youtube. Only craziness or cuteness gets the hits. President Grump knows this and controls the conversation, reality TV baby!

Here is my recipe for a Biden/Harris win:

1) They campaign with a golden retriever puppy in one hand. AT ALL TIMES.

2) Catchy song and video. Kamala and Joe compile a song and dance routine including puppies, cool cars, sunglasses, more puppies--and throw in some kangaroos for good measure.

3) Conspiracy theory. Real outrageous behavior by the current administration is not enough--like chronic diarrhea, there is just too much of it. Everyone loses focus! Need to pick one thing (luckily these days, it does not need to be real) and stick with it.

 Possible ideas: Pres. Grump has a secret alien wife👽, that is why Melania looks so upset.

The Devil 👹 guides Grump and forces him to wear red, long neck ties and play golf.

Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV is code for Space Force to begin "shaping" all American citizens into camera TVs 📻 . Elon Musk was awarded a huge multibillion dollar grant for this...