What Really Happened on Air Force One Steps

 Dear Dingo:

Do you have access to secret information?

Answer:

Yes, as the all knowing D, here is what really happened on those Air Force One steps...

1- A few days prior to the "slip" Biden calls Putin "a killer" upsetting him terribly. 

2-My sources at INTERPOL tell me that a few days afterwards, a suspicious masked man eating pelmeni was spotted on the tarmac near Air Force One. He ran for cover as authorities approached, leaving behind a bottle of Kvass and a large can of empty lithium grease.

3- Authorities could not put together what the slippery grease was for.

Challenge for the Anti-Maskers

 Dear Dingo:

We live near Idaho and am being harassed by 'anti-maskers', yelling about the ineffective 'face diapers' they are forced to wear. What can I do to make them think a bit rationally??

Answer:

Mask-shamers are a very self-assured and rigid bunch. You could of course congratulate them on their rigidosity--Welcome them to liberate their own health care providers, nurses, surgeons and dentists alike! Poor medical professionals spend so much money on med school but still wear those pesky masks? Save your money and go to Q U !

If masks are simply ineffective fascist plot devices-- mask shamers should always encourage their doctor to bare their face! No better time than during surgery or root canals to yell out: "remove your useless masks of shame, I welcome you to splatter your spittle !!!"

Who is Really the Boiled Frog?

Dear Dingo:

I received a wrong number text--warning me that wearing face masks was the governments way of slowly teaching compliance, akin to "boiling a live frog". I really don't get this nut job logic. What kind of compliance education would the government be gaining from this? An evil scheme to make us all wear elf hats and clown shoes?

Answer:

Yes. There is in fact a pot of simmering frogs on the stove, but you my friend are not in it. Unfortunately, a substantial part of the Republican party is. Trump has spent years grooming (a.k.a.slowly cooking) his followers to believe any crazy thing he says. Inauguration crowds, unfair Emmy awards, where Obama was born, dead voters... He knows if you repeat a lie (illusory truth effect) it eventually seems true. Just ask Goebbels. Another one who slowly simmered the pot and boiled the 🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸 !!

 

The Trump Admin Had a Healthcare Plan All Along

Dear Dingo:

I see that many right wing forums repeat the message that only those with "underlying conditions" have negative outcomes (such as death) from Covid 19. Why do they spew that? Do they really feel that 400,000 deaths, even for those with underlying conditions, is pro-life or even ok? 

Answer:

Alas, it was simply the Trump Healthcare plan--cost savings for all! Once upon a time, when the Democrats proposed discussing  voluntary "end of life care", the ever-wise arctic oracle, Sarah Palin, dubbed the suggestion as "death panels".

Apparently, what the Republicans did not like about 'end of life care', was the 'voluntary' part. Instead, they feel that in order to afford socialized medicine, we really need to speed up eliminating the vulnerable and pesky weaklings. Forcing them into end of life. This outcome can be achieved in many ways: anti maskers harassing shoppers at Trader Joe's, inviting grandma to a rally or simply hiding all the personal protective equipment. Awesome healthcare savings!

 

The Literate Follow Their Inner Lemming

 Dear Dingo:

When Ebola peaked in many African nations, with it came a spread of misinformation, mistrust of government and conspiracy theories. I thought---there you have it, lack of education...But no....

Answer:

Uncomfortable factoid: The USA globally ranks in the top 6 as having "the most educated population" on earth. That means: universal literacy, access to higher education and all that jazz. Yet, why do so many of you believe in crazy conspiracies, dark magic and [with a straight face] go to church and drink the blood of Jesus (?)

You silly white people thought 'Westernization' would lead to rational behavior and choices! Ha! Misunderstanding the power of propaganda. You think the Germans were a bunch of illiterate flunkies when they allowed Hitler and his nonsense? No. For future reference please note: the squeaky demagogue will get the grease....Let's just hope the aliens get here soon👽!

DINGO's Least Favorite Things 2020

Alas, you are probably expecting another overdone rant about the Covid pandemic...But not from me folks! Instead, I choose to focus on the sprouts of nonsense that were fertilized into invasive weeds during the past year.

1) Tik Tok billionaire teens. No explanation needed as to why this is annoying.

2) Bitcoin. You humans do realize that this fake ass currency only has value as long as someone else is willing to purchase it, right? Note: Beanie Baby craze, how did that work out for y'all?

3) Dog Sound Boards. If you don't know what this is, just look it up. Amusing, yet horrifying. As a household containing a siberian husky, who clearly talks and yells at her humans regularly, teaching her to press a "mad" button would be akin to gifting your own abuser a hatchet.

4) New expression overload. I saw that some nerd at NPR, rated "doomscrolling" as the winning word of 2020. Boring alert! How about: Covid puppy, toilet paper hoarder, Trump boat parade, maskne, bubble dining pods, 4 Seasons Landscaping!

5) Leaky Guiliani and Lindsey Graham. Not sure what oozy substance has replaced Rudy's brain, but at least Lindsey could come out of the closet already and confess his major Trump crush💘.

 

Let the Soup Nazi Take Care of Covid-19

Dear Dingo:

I can't handle hearing about the White House Christmas parties! The rest of us are on locks downs, forbidden to enter restaurants or socialize. All to help out the hospitas from being overwhelmed with Covid patients.  Yet the White House is intentionally holding these maskless jamborees!  How can this madness stop?

Answer:

Do you remember the Soup Nazi on the show Seinfeld? The jest was, that if the Soup Nazi did not approve of your behavior, he would refuse your soup order and shout the iconic: "No soup for you!"

Instead of soup, his new line should be: "No hospital for you!"

It's very simple. If you attend a White House super spreader party, Trump rally, Sturgis, or are Rudy Giuliani, you should be denied care when you come down with Covid!

It's that simple. No hospital for you! Next customer please.....