Friday, August 26, 2016

Welcome to the Lower 48

So it's been a little over a year since we made the long, long trek from Alaska to Oregon.
I, as the chronically chilly female, am enjoying the nice, hot summer we have been having here. The other troops in our entourage are experiencing adaptation issues....

First martyr:
 The child--breaks out in heat rashes and bloody noses from sticking face in AC. Must sleep with wet towel on head, even when the air conditioning is on.

Auto #1 has developed a bizarre, impossible to diagnose overheating issue. It simply hates hot.

Ditto for auto #2. After installing AC (which was obviously unnecessary in Alaska) the whole computer system had a severe stroke. Most recent text from driver of said car (on 100 degree day) "Hello, vehicle lost its mind again, started flashing lights and the AC went off. Both of my phones overheated, then car proceeded to seize up in parking lot. Running late".

Lastly the dog. Every time she goes outdoors in 85 degree (or higher) temperatures, she begins panting with a maniacal urgency that we find unnerving. This panting may or may not lead to a mild seizure. 

We have found that shaving the dog helps cool her down. But how do you shave the cars??



Monday, August 8, 2016

Is the East Coast an Aflliction?

It is a well known fact, that every baby born and raised in the New York city vicinity is blessed by the Superior Fairy of the East. She flutters in to visit sassy NY newborns and whispers to them: "Welcome! Now remember to grow up strong, eat good pizza, and ignore the polluted air....and always, always remember--you are much better than those that were not born near NYC!"
With that she disappears.....an flies off to bless another spectacular babe born in the vicinity...
Having myself been a recipient of the attitude fairy, I went along life assuming that everyone knew the facts of life, i.e. that being from the East Coast grants you the right to be obnoxious and right (just look at the Trumpster).... So imagine my surprise, when I first overheard what my overly-friendly Oregonian neighbors truly pity: (that's right) New Yorkers!!

I could hear it in their hushed conversations, "Oh did you hear that man? His East Coast came out and he even raised his voice!"
Or how about: "Those New Yorkers anger so easily and just say what they want!"

After a few of these comments, I had to remind folks: "Well you know that I am from New Jersey"....
To which my doe eyed neighbor responded: "But in your case,  you seem to have been able to overcome it"...(well at least she noticed I had been trying)
Eek, so do these people consider it some sort of disease? A mental disorder perhaps?

Alas, yes-- it is considered a serious affliction, as my son's Oregonian grade school class will tell you. With no irony or apology, the recent class play was based solely on fighting off the villain who's main problem was: Being a ruthless developer from (where else?) New York!!! And the nice, sweet Oregon town folks eventually softened (cured) him with their excessive amount of (what else?) Niceness!

They can say it as sweetly as they want, but I know that whenever I see the bumper sticker---"Be nice, it's Oregon", what they are really saying is:
"We might be stoned, but at least we aren't evil East Coasters"...