Wednesday, February 5, 2020

And the Medal for Smoking Goes to.....

Dear Dingo:
Ugh. I am very embarrassed by the highly partisan spectacle of awarding the dumb sexist pig (aka Rush L.) the Medal of Freedom during the State of the Union Speech. Isn't it obvious that it was all done for theatrics?

Answer:
Of course theatrics, but Rush himself once said that he should be awarded "a medal for smoking". The Republican party couldn't come up with that medal, so they simply offered him the Presidential Medal of Freedom instead. 

At least the medal was not for Rush's well known 'Butt Boil'--apparently the reason he received a deferment from Vietnam. Yes. National hero indeed.


Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Pompeo vs. Mary Louise Kelly

Dear Dingo:

There is quite a bit of chatter regarding Mike Pompeo and "That NPR reporter" (as if she has no name). Pompeo seemed to be surprised that Mary Louise Kelly knew anything at all--including where Ukraine was located! However, Mary Louise Kelly (just like him) attended Harvard. Why would Pompeo think she is dumb?

Answer:
He is a conservative. 
Conservatives have very strict gender perceptions, anything different would blow their fragile minds and egos.
To them a woman is to be:
1- Seen and not heard.
2- Seen only in makeup and dresses.
3- Young and Hot

Their naive thinking comes from lack of exposure to educated women. Unfortunately, the only ladies they encounter are either: Fox news hosts, lying ass crazy bitches (aka Kelly Anne Conway), their own repressed wives, and perhaps an occasional porn star.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Pro Choice Trump

Dear Dingo:
I am especially perturbed that Rump (who was formerly very pro-choice) is now very fakely kissing evangelicals asses with his new found pro-life stance. To him, it is all just a game he wants to win. Not to mention, why do the right wingers feel that Americans have all sorts of "rights"-- yet they love to meddle with pro-choicers. Why the exception?

Answer:
Because right-wing zealots want to make sure everyone gets an opportunity to kill their children slowly...Because this is America, damn it!

 You have the right to feed your children copious amounts of soda and sweets, rendering them obese and diabetic (don't worry the tax payers will cover the insulin!) You have the right to keep dangerous firearms at home (don't you worry that half the nation's suicides are by gun). 
You have the right to spray your verdant lawn with crazy chemicals and give your kids cancer and asthma. You have the right to pollute the environment, as collapsed pollinators and climate change conditions make lovely gifts for future generations!

Thursday, January 16, 2020

You Can't Choose Your Swing State Voters

Dear Dingo:
What is your own bitch perspective on the question--"can a woman be elected president?" 

Answer:
From my days as a pup in Alaska--(aka a red state full of old sexist white men)
I did witness the unlikely election of a woman candidate called.....Sarah Palin!

As much as you may want to believe that the old men were wowed by her intelligence (lol) and policy ideas, they were not. The old horn bags admitted that their decision was based solely on the important factor of her being "hot". Proudly displaying "Coldest state, hottest governor" bumper stickers on their F-350 pick up trucks. 

This my human friends, is the kind of voter you are up against when we talk about swing states. Not kombucha sipping intellectuals discussing the importance of gender pronouns. 
And until you sissy la-las understand who your voters really are, you will be doomed.


Thursday, December 5, 2019

Why is stopbullying.gov only for the Kids?

Dear Dingo:
Not only is McDonald Trump an insecure bully, but I see he has schooled Kellyanne Conway in this subtle art form as well. Now she's hurling insults like a middle school mean girl too! What is up with these adults?

Answer:
I suggest the Trump administration looks at its own US GOV website: stopbullying.gov 
The actual copy follows:
Nobody should be mean to others. (this includes those of Tangerine racial origin)
  • Stop and think before you say or do something that could hurt someone. (twitter and crazy rallies included)
  • If you feel like being mean to someone, find something else to do. Play a game, watch TV, or talk to a friend. (or eat a cheap cheeseburger, diddle a porn star)
  • Talk to an adult (Melania) you trust. They can help you find ways to be nicer to others. (be best!)
  • Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different. (even those from shithole countries)
  • If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better. (fascinating concept)
There are things you can do if you are being bullied: (i.e. everyone else who is not a giant jack o lantern)

  • Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard. (Jokes at NATO summits work especially well, and the bully may just get in his plane and leave) 
  • If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot. (until that adult gets fired)


Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Darling, Did You Have Heart Attack?

Dear Dingo:
There is a news story that Melania was watching CNN (interesting) where she heard that her "Dear Donald" had suffered a major medical event. Why did Lord Trump respond by blaming the media for reporting it? Didn't anyone tell him that would only make his marriage look creepy and weird?

Answer:
 Let me share a comment I saw online to clarify how their marriage works:

"So let me get this straight - Melania thinks he (Donald) had a heart attack, but doesn't call his private cell to ask him how he is doing? Instead, she just sits around thinking he may have just had a life threatening incident, does absolutely nothing, and instead casually says upon his return, "Darling, did you have heart attack?"

Well a girl can dream....









Thursday, November 14, 2019

A Simple Quiz in Reality


Dear Trump fans:--
If you read only one thing this year, oh please let it be this short quiz:

1st Question:
If you have nothing to hide on your tax returns and you are being hounded to release them:
 A) Just do it already!
 B) Pay lawyers millions of dollars to keep hiding them for no real reason at all.

2nd Question:
Most likely reason someone is hiding tax returns is because- really rich guys don't pay taxes!
Is this:
A) Awesome! Just tax the working class more to pay for the military and that border wall!
B) An example of how another rich guy is screwing you in the ass.

3rd Question:
If you are a stable genius and got the best, most beautiful, grades in school do you:
A) Show your transcript grades to everybody and anybody who asks for a look.
B) Pay a lawyer millions of dollars to hide those 'great' grades from everyone.

Good luck. 
Note* If you answer B, A, B please refrain from operating heavy machinery, driving a motor vehicle and just talking in general.