Friday, January 22, 2021

The Trump Admin Had a Healthcare Plan All Along

Dear Dingo:

I see that many right wing forums repeat the message that only those with "underlying conditions" have negative outcomes (such as death) from Covid 19. Why do they spew that? Do they really feel that 400,000 deaths, even for those with underlying conditions, is pro-life or even ok? 


Answer:

Alas, it was simply the Trump Healthcare plan--cost savings for all! Once upon a time, when the Democrats proposed discussing  voluntary "end of life care", the ever-wise arctic oracle, Sarah Palin, dubbed the suggestion as "death panels".

Apparently, what the Republicans did not like about 'end of life care', was the 'voluntary' part. Instead, they feel that in order to afford socialized medicine, we really need to speed up eliminating the vulnerable and pesky weaklings. Forcing them into end of life. This outcome can be achieved in many ways: anti maskers harassing shoppers at Trader Joe's, inviting grandma to a rally or simply hiding all the personal protective equipment. Awesome healthcare savings!





 

Thursday, January 7, 2021

The Literate Follow Their Inner Lemming

 Dear Dingo:

When Ebola peaked in many African nations, with it came a spread of misinformation, mistrust of government and conspiracy theories. I thought---there you have it, lack of education...But no....


Answer:

Uncomfortable factoid: The USA globally ranks in the top 6 as having "the most educated population" on earth. That means: universal literacy, access to higher education and all that jazz. Yet, why do so many of you believe in crazy conspiracies, dark magic and [with a straight face] go to church and drink the blood of Jesus (?)

You silly white people thought 'Westernization' would lead to rational behavior and choices! Ha! Misunderstanding the power of propaganda. You think the Germans were a bunch of illiterate flunkies when they allowed Hitler and his nonsense? No. For future reference please note: the squeaky demagogue will get the grease....Let's just hope the aliens get here soon👽!

Monday, December 28, 2020

DINGO's Least Favorite Things 2020

Alas, you are probably expecting another overdone rant about the Covid pandemic...But not from me folks! Instead, I choose to focus on the sprouts of nonsense that were fertilized into invasive weeds during the past year.

1) Tik Tok billionaire teens. No explanation needed as to why this is annoying.

2) Bitcoin. You humans do realize that this fake ass currency only has value as long as someone else is willing to purchase it, right? Note: Beanie Baby craze, how did that work out for y'all?

3) Dog Sound Boards. If you don't know what this is, just look it up. Amusing, yet horrifying. As a household containing a siberian husky, who clearly talks and yells at her humans regularly, teaching her to press a "mad" button would be akin to gifting your own abuser a hatchet.

4) New expression overload. I saw that some nerd at NPR, rated "doomscrolling" as the winning word of 2020. Boring alert! How about: Covid puppy, toilet paper hoarder, Trump boat parade, maskne, bubble dining pods, 4 Seasons Landscaping!

5) Leaky Guiliani and Lindsey Graham. Not sure what oozy substance has replaced Rudy's brain, but at least Lindsey could come out of the closet already and confess his major Trump crush💘.

 






Monday, December 7, 2020

Let the Soup Nazi Take Care of Covid-19

Dear Dingo:

I can't handle hearing about the White House Christmas parties! The rest of us are on locks downs, forbidden to enter restaurants or socialize. All to help out the hospitas from being overwhelmed with Covid patients.  Yet the White House is intentionally holding these maskless jamborees!  How can this madness stop?

Answer:

Do you remember the Soup Nazi on the show Seinfeld? The jest was, that if the Soup Nazi did not approve of your behavior, he would refuse your soup order and shout the iconic: "No soup for you!"

Instead of soup, his new line should be: "No hospital for you!"

It's very simple. If you attend a White House super spreader party, Trump rally, Sturgis, or are Rudy Giuliani, you should be denied care when you come down with Covid!

It's that simple. No hospital for you! Next customer please.....




 

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

I Do Believe Pants are an Infringement on Civil Rights

 Dear Dingo:

I honestly feel mask wearing is no big deal. We need to wear shoes for hygiene purposes to get service at any store, yet nobody complains. But for whatever reason I keep hearing conservative politicians go on and on about how 'mask mandates' will ruin civil liberties. What gives?

Answer:

If you are blessed with the chance to meet an anti-mask looney, I have some tips:

1- Speak slowly, simply and calmly

2- Replace the word 'mask' with "pants". For example: "I see you feel you have the right to be mask-less". "Well then, I have the right to be pants-less."

3- Remove said pants. If it is warm enough, remove underpants. Your civil right.


Friday, November 6, 2020

The Current Administration's Right to Die Movement

Dear Dingo: 

Steve Bannon brutally posted he wants Dr. Fauci's head impaled on a stick. Isn't Bannon participating in the same conservative party that defends the Right-to-life?

Was not Fauci only trying to save lives? 

Answer:

Actually they are pro-fetus. Not pro-fatso, as in those affected negatively by Covid. (note** Chris Christie discovered this the hard way)

Current Conservative policy explained:

Fetus first, mothers' life--totally optional. (Spolier: once born, a sick or disabled fetus magically becomes a too expensive to cover pre-existing condition).

You are free to go ahead and just die by: war, living in a shit hole country, playing with guns, domestic assault, attending a Trump rally, hurricane, flooding, smoking, assassination by white supremicist, substandard housing or becoming a Tiger King.




 

 

Thursday, November 5, 2020

Common Senses Says: the Republicans are Actually Stealing the Election

 Dear Dingo:

It is really bothering me that for months and months polls showed Democrats way ahead in the 2020 race. Yet, here we are, easily accepting with a collective shrug: "well I guess the polls were wrong". Meanwhile, the Presidential toddler is spewing how his side (whose results do not match the polls) is the one that was cheated??

Answer:

Yes. The true cheater thinks EVERYONE else is a cheater too. 

Also known as the law of: "they who smelt it--delt it". 

The nerdy Democrats just can't seem to grasp this very logical possibility. But the Wall Street Journal did just a few months back:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-a-data-security-expert-fears-u-s-voting-will-be-hacked-11587747159