3 Million Illegal Republican Votes

Dear Dingo:
How is our Tweet-happy president elect so sure that 3 million illegal voters voted? Even if they did, who is to say they were votes for Democrats and not Republicans?

Answer:
This is just another wonderful example of our future emperors' foot-in-mouth disease. If he knew anything about elections in the USA, he would know that Republicans are the highly motivated voters, not Democrats. Everybody knows Democrats have to be dragged kicking and screaming to the polls. If Dems can't even motivate legitimate voters to stand in line and fill in the little dots, how the hell did they pull off the divine miracle of convincing three million fake voters to falsify ID"s and risk jail time, simply to vote? 
Thus, the ONLY logical conclusion is that these millions of votes (that Trumper is so sure of!) were in fact cast for Republican candidates.  And of course, why he freaks out over recounts.

One Million Dogs Voted!

Dear Dingo:
Why would a prominent person keep tweeting unverified falsehoods about *so called* "illegal voters". If they even exist--who are they?

Answer:
They are dogs. My canine compadres and I communicate secretly via "Barker". We are part of a vast network of sleuth four legged voters. Not only do we stand upright and wear colorful outfits, we ride from precinct to precinct in fancy buses while nibbling on rawhide chews. After departing our bus, we eagerly present fake driver's licenses to the clueless pollsters, sign by paw and fool everybody! This has already been reported by "numerous sources", so you know it must be true...

Why Do You Care?

Dear Dingo:
Trump's spokesperson Kellyanne, said we shouldn't care that Trump tweets juvenile criticisms of musicals, TV shows and gets into silly twitter feuds. I think Americans should care, because he can't attack people's right to free speech. Who is correct?

Answer:
Certainly you are. Those that have a brain or are slightly sane, know that this national embarrassment needs to grow up and stop acting like an elected man baby. 
Unless of course, the orange menace is diabolically distracting Americans to divert attention away from real issues (like his fraud settlement!) One can hope, because a prez with toddler tantrums + access to nuclear weapons, could create slightly bigger problems than playground spats.. 

Get in the Time Machine Kiddos

Dear Dingo:
Why is Trump filling his cabinet with scary old racist men, that should have been moth-balled a long time ago? How can I possibly explain this to my children who have grown up in a more tolerant America?

Answer:
This is the "Trump Time Machine", where we all get a chance to zoom backwards, not only a few years, but many, many decades! Your kids will no longer need to waste their time going to living history museums, reading or watching episodes of Madmax. Instead, they will be granted the more vivid opportunity of experiencing America's segregationist history first hand! 

Trump to Erect Statue of Bigotry!

Dear Dingo:
Has Trump ever seen the poem on the Statue of Liberty? About the poor and huddled masses?
Will America welcome immigrants anymore?

Answer:
According to a Trump interview (with the accurate and ethical Breitbart news), he does welcome Asian immigrants that have attended Ivy League schools.

Question:
But isn't Trump's own wife an immigrant and a college drop-out?

Answer:
Obviously you missed the "hotness allowance" listed in the fine print of Trump's deportation plan. Even Mexican, Muslim and Latina women will be allowed to reside in the USA, if they can successfully rank as a "10", in a beauty pageant put on by Trump's Office of Homeland Hotness. This important government department is already in development.

No Ordinary Post Election Blues

Dear Dingo:
After talking with some Democrat friends today, we can't identify why we continue to feel so very nauseated and depressed, it's been a week and we still feel sick.

Answer:
Because you have been metaphorically kicked in the gut--this causes severe nausea. 
Your internal self feels like a kid in grade school. Although your friend (ok, candidate) was the good girl, studied hard and played nice with others ---the schoolyard bully came along jeering, taunting and lying. After he knocked your friend down, the mean girls came by and spit.
You told the teacher what happened, but instead of detention---the bully was named valedictorian.

Up is down, left is right. The universe no longer makes sense. 

Dingo Explains It All

In honor of the new presidential administration of misinformation, I have decided to turn this blog over to my beloved Dingo. She is much more qualified than any Alt-Right news source, as she is: A) About 120 years old in human years. B) Completely rational . C) Was officially deemed a "Smart ass" by an animal communicator.

Dear Dingo:
What went wrong in the 2016 election? Why did women choose to vote for a sexist pig instead of an accomplished woman?

Dingo's Answer: 
You human women are your own worst enemy, everybody knows that. Just think about 'mommy wars' or mean middle school girls. As a canine, I am well aware of what "bitches" are,  apparently liberals are not.

Question:
But why can a woman like Sarah Palin become a governor, she is a woman after all?

Dingo's Answer:
Because although you can't rely on the female vote,  you can always rely on the "horny man vote". If Hillary had been younger and hot--you would be welcoming her into the oval office-- as the men wouldn't be able to stop themselves. She could say what she wants--they would just hit 'mute' on their TV.

Question:
Why do we teach children not to be bullies, but then go ahead and vote for one?

Dingo's Answer:
Humans, like any other animal, are driven by their biology. You crave fat, sugar, salt, sex and sleep. Bullies come across as strong, alpha males. You can't help yourselves.
I always dominate the other dog in our household, and it works well enough for me.

Question:
Is the Alt Right racist?

Dingo's Answer:
Yes.  Apparently half the USA is scared of "the other" or " the different".  Here is an area where us dogs are more evolved than your sad, hairless ape species. Dogs will sniff the butts and play fair with a poodle, wolf or a mixed mongrel. If only you could.

So He Can Dish It Out, But Can't Take It ??

Like a page from 'Bullying 101' Trumpster is whining that it is "not fair" that people are protesting his election (!) cry me a river...

Is this the exact same person who threatened, that if he wasn't elected, there would be mass protests, violence.... you name it???

But when the other side does this, it becomes "unfair"?? Not to mention- he blames it on "professional" (i.e.paid) protesters. 

So if protesting really is a paid position, where the hell do I sign up??

Rush Limbaugh is Hitler

I obviously have some sort of self destructive impulse. While meandering through my beloved satellite radio stations, I just couldn't help but stop upon hearing Rush Limbaugh's blaring voice.

Morbidly curious as to what this blowhard would say on a "happy day", I allowed myself to linger in his pool of verbal drivel for a few minutes. Just a few, maybe only 2. Unfortunately, instead of being joyful and content for once in his pharmaceutical laden life, he couldn't stop spewing lies.

I kid you not, regarding anti-Trump protests in various cities today. Rush said : "There is no outrage, the people have spoken". "Those protesters are being PAID by the democratic party". "Nobody is angry, all Americans want a conservative agenda". "We don't need to work together at all".

Throughout this whole slimy process, I find his dishonest and dismissive attitude to take the depressing cake. Insisting that the other side doesn't even exist?? That those people have no voice?? 

 Why do we allow people like Limbaugh to spew lies day after day? Is it really 1st amendment when it becomes dishonest propaganda..? That is how Hilter got Germans to hate the Jews (!) and it is a real weapon--not free speech.

I can accept that Americans are blundering fools who think Donald Trump is entertaining, or a "good old boy" or whatever. But when you hear the type of stuff many Trump supporters believe, and they have been spoon fed conspiracy theories and lies---and when these outright lies drive their vote-- it is not a Democracy we live in anymore.

Here's the Silver Lining

I have made the ridiculous decision to think positively. Maybe it's not what one would call "optimism"....more like delusional thinking--but here goes.
Things to look forward to in the next few years:

1--Less clutter! I am so sick of cheap plastic toys, shoes, and other crappola being so cheaply available, that all anyone ever wants anymore is walk in closets and storage space. Now, you will have your one pair of pants and like it.

2--Real change in the fight against obesity. "Let's Move" didn't really work. Maybe "Don't be a Piggy" will.

3--Watching the right wingers wake up and realize they now have nobody to be angry at--but themselves! Have fun writing your next book Anne Coulter: "I Got What I Want, Adios me!"

4--The Gun Industry will go bankrupt. Fear of liberals "taking your guns" drives up ammunition and gun sales---a "we love guns" administration sells nothing.

5--Conspiracy nuts will have to go after martians now. Blaming the Government for inside jobs (like staging all the mass shootings) was quite easy and convenient. Their conspiracies are going to have to get much more creative now...good luck harassing space aliens on Facebook!!

When did the Republican Party Become Occupy Wallstreet??

Part of the job description for "mom" , includes the tedious task of just sitting and waiting in the car for some activity to be over...As I despise social media, and can't really read in the dark, --my default activity has become listening to obscure radio stations (thank you satellite radio!) 
Somewhere between Canadian news and unknown comedians, I have happened to stumble upon interviews with various conservative loud mouths. And here is the gruesome discovery I have made: the Republican party has been infiltrated by aliens. I'm not sure if it was some sort of brain sucking device, remote mind control, drugs or good old abduction--but it has happened folks.

Exhibit A: the always angry, (maybe she should just eat more)-- Anne Coulter. Imagine my surprise, when I heard her in a recent interview saying terms like; "We are against the ruling elite" and open borders only help the "top 1 %"... What? What? I kept hitting the info button on the radio to make sure this really was an interview with a well known crazy conservative!? 

Afterwards, I heard another brain suck victim speak-- conservative Laura Ingraham bleating the same freakin talking points: "The ruling class", "Corporate America and big banks control everything" and "we need to stop the 1%"..Why are they sounding like hipsters at Occupy Wall Street? And how did a corrupt, creepy millionaire like Trump become the leader of the anti-elite??? Who sucked out their brains?? Or worse--why are people believing them???

But that's not all!!!! These clever aliens were not only busy lobotomizing the conservative party, they also had a field day with vast amounts of evangelical Christian voters.
How else do you get a high percentage of Christians polling that they will willing vote for a perverted serial adulterer, who always covets thy neighbors wife...??

I heard the Mormons were not fooled though..because they have special magic underwear that repels invisible lobotomies. Very clever. Very clever.