Darling, Did You Have Heart Attack?

Dear Dingo:
There is a news story that Melania was watching CNN (interesting) where she heard that her "Dear Donald" had suffered a major medical event. Why did Lord Trump respond by blaming the media for reporting it? Didn't anyone tell him that would only make his marriage look creepy and weird?

Answer:
 Let me share a comment I saw online to clarify how their marriage works:

"So let me get this straight - Melania thinks he (Donald) had a heart attack, but doesn't call his private cell to ask him how he is doing? Instead, she just sits around thinking he may have just had a life threatening incident, does absolutely nothing, and instead casually says upon his return, "Darling, did you have heart attack?"

Well a girl can dream....

A Simple Quiz in Reality

Dear Trump fans:--
If you read only one thing this year, oh please let it be this short quiz:

1st Question:
If you have nothing to hide on your tax returns and you are being hounded to release them:
 A) Just do it already!
 B) Pay lawyers millions of dollars to keep hiding them for no real reason at all.

2nd Question:
Most likely reason someone is hiding tax returns is because- really rich guys don't pay taxes!
Is this:
A) Awesome! Just tax the working class more to pay for the military and that border wall!
B) An example of how another rich guy is screwing you in the ass.

3rd Question:
If you are a stable genius and got the best, most beautiful, grades in school do you:
A) Show your transcript grades to everybody and anybody who asks for a look.
B) Pay a lawyer millions of dollars to hide those 'great' grades from everyone.

Good luck. 
Note* If you answer B, A, B please refrain from operating heavy machinery, driving a motor vehicle and just talking in general.

How's That Great Again?

Dear Dingo:
MAGA was confusing enough -- it could have meant anything--maybe the 1600's?? I am sure the Native Americans and bison thought that was a pretty great time for America.... 
But now I am more confused--what the heck does "Keep America Great" mean?

Answer:
Well for the cultish following that admires their Orange Emperors' new clothes, I have composed a quick list of the new GREAT!

1- Great new social norms. No more wasting money on fancy pants dinners. If you happen to throw a nice dinner party (for say a famous football team) it is now perfectly acceptable to serve McDonalds--you can even keep the wrappers on ;) Imagine the savings!

2- Great lifestyle. No more boring exercise or snoozefest of veggies. Movement and salad greens are for libtards. Great Americans guzzle coke, chocolate cake, and chick-fil-a!

3- Great freedoms--like the right to annoy bilingual people. Let's face it, people speaking in funny languages are creepy. Now you can feel free to scream--'speak American!' Even if you are yelling at a bunch of US citizens just practicing their French. F 'em!

4- Everyone is a great genius. Grammar, history, spelling and science are officially over. Delinquents everywhere unite-- as you are officially vindicated for goofing off. Who cares what your report card or transcript really says? Just hide that thing somewhere.

5- Great bullying. Finally, cyber bullies have a prominent role model! All along American presidents were wasting time with silly civility or treating others as they want to be treated. Who needs dreary discussions, when you can just call your critics losers, scum or dumb?