Dear Dingo:
I am an underemployed student. Our orange president continuously states that any protesters against him are being paid. Therefore, it seems that there should be tons of these positions available ! Yet, no matter how hard I look, I can't seem to find any legitimate openings !?!
I really, really want this awesome job! How do I apply?
Answer:
Perhaps you should contact your state representatives. Surely, they would know all about this lucrative employment opportunity for today's youth! A career that's fun in the sun and much safer than working a coal mine--and you don't even need to pay taxes--just like your president!
If your representative can't direct you towards this fabulous career, may I suggest finding these openings the same way our wise president gets all his info: via conspiracy theory. Simply put on your tin hat, march over to Alex Jones, (or whoever else is smoking the funny stuff) and demand they help you find these jobs!! After all, according to these monkeys- thousands of job opportunities should be available!
