Leave the Dogs Out of Your Spat!

Dear Dingo:
I assume a certain North Korean leader is calling our president's words "the sound of a dog barking" because he is annoying. However, a dog barking does not lead one into nuclear combat.  Annoying shrill or perceived threat--which one is it ?

Answer:
How curious that you are asking a dog her opinion on the matter....

First of all- There is nothing annoying about a dog barking. We are, in fact, conveying important community information, that you unilingual humans are too dim to interpret.

That said, dogs everywhere report feeling insulted for being associated with this "who is the craziest toddler at the playground" spat. If in fact, the president whom is allegedly barking were a real dog, he would be much more cool and collected --as is proper for an alpha leader. Not only that, no self respecting canine would lose sleep at 3:00 in the morning to rant about football and tweeting (even if we did have thumbs).

Get the Dotard a Dictionary

Dear Dingo:
I am worried. It seems that our Orange troll has really done it this time. 
Is the cheese loving lunatic of North Korea getting prepared to bomb the USA?
And why does a North Korean have a better grasp of English vocabulary than our dotard in chief?

Answer:
Amazing isn't it? 
We get stuck with covfefe, while the rogue leader of N. Korea manages to craft well written English prose.
Nevertheless,  his eloquent vocabulary might be a sign of a good thing. Perhaps he is not an impulsive whiskey drinking crazy man. Perhaps he will pause before  annihilating beautiful tropical islands and send some bibimbap over instead. Or how about launching a thesaurus or two at Washington?  At least the dialogue would improve. 

Welcome to Earth

Dear Dingo:
Why do so many people act  surprised, shocked and unprepared whenever there is a "natural"  disaster? 

Answer:
Because the feeble minded homo-erectus is unable to comprehend that the earth is a rock, traveling through space at 1,000 miles per hour (yes--you are in Star Wars!) Interestingly, your spaceship rock, also happens to be covered in water and filled with molten lava --thus causing all sorts of pesky volcanoes, storms, earthquakes and tsunamis. The animals expect all this --you just don't.

But never fear! To help you appreciate all sorts of disasters and stay vigilant,  the fracking industry is working hard to make earthquakes common place. Crappy soil managers and oil producers are ensuring that huge tropical storms increase, and your leader signed an executive order a month ago, revoking previous flooding regulations.  It's all for your own good you know---so get those jerry cans full of gas, strap on your life vest and stop complaining!

Is the World Ending

Dear Dingo:
I think life as we know it on earth is ending, where should I flee?

Answer:
I hear it is raining diamonds on your anus  Uranus ! Seriously---the atmosphere of Uranus creates showers of diamonds-- now doesn't that sound better than hurricane force winds?