What To Do With Extra Face Masks?

Dear Dingo:

Now that most face mask mandates are lifted, I have a hell of a lot of extra face masks around the house. How can I re-purpose them?

Answer:

Let's start with the best. Chicken diapers.

Simply loop face mask bands around wings and viola!

Perhaps you own a duck?

Or catch a large bird that you would like to diaper in the house.

Then there is the face mask bikini--disposable, preventing soggy swim suits in your carry on bags!

Agreed, that the male version is not as appealing.

Or maybe you have a small animal in need of a parachute?

The Fallacy of the Human Mind

 Dear Dingo:

If humans are really superior to the "beasts", why are there so many murderous dictators, school shooters, bullies and other assorted killers amongst you?

Answer:

Here's what you need to hear from my canine snout:

Humans are not robots, but fragile organisms. Brains break, emotions rule and masses get manipulated. People are motivated by greed, sex, power and sugar. The same as a common grey squirrel. Basically, humans are squirrels with cars and handbags, except that squirrels are statistically less likely to suffer with mental health issues, opioid addiction or own a gun.

Yet, human geopolitical decisions hinge on the preposterous notion that global leaders will have stable thoughts. Even crazier, liberal democracies assume voters will be educated and sane.

Brains malfunction and misfire yet still has access to weapons, cars, facebook, babies and beer.

Here's something (according to John Hopkins and CDC) for you bipeds to chew on:

26% of Americans suffers from a mental health disorder per year

1 in 4 people over the age of 25 will be affected by stroke

Each year 1.5 million Americans suffer a Traumatic Brain Injury

13.9% percent of those over the age of 71 have some sort of dementia

1 in 10 Americans report having a significant drug abuse issue at some point in their lives

Even without a cognitive or mental health crisis, all people are capable of being sucked into assorted propaganda, magical thinking, cults, hypnosis or white claw.

It's not a bad thing to be flexible or agnostic. But the willingness to blindly guzzle social media, crazed podcasts, fake videos and news for profit will be the downfall of humanity.

But no worries! As the human race becomes more divided, raging and slaughtering one another , the rats and roaches are awaiting their turn to rule the earth.

And Now: Health Recommendations from DeSantis !

That's right boys and girls, our leading national health expert-- Ron DsSantis has even more recommendations for your optimal health!

1- If you ever find yourself under the knife, make sure to tell the good doctors and hospital staff--take off those damn masks! They aren't doing anything!

(don't forget to mask shame your dentist, dental hygienist and friendly proctologist)

2- When driving at high speeds, remove those damn nanny state seat belts. This is America! The safety theater has to end at some point!

3- Same goes for drinking and driving. How many bartenders have lost their jobs  due to madd moms taking away your constitutional right to drink and drive??

*Brought to you by DeSantis 2024! Make America Florida

 

Historical Map for Tucker Carlson

If Tucker C. thinks Ukraine isn't a real country, by that logic--the USA isn't real either. Just ask Mexico!