Thursday, July 27, 2017

Health Crisis Inside the White House

Dear Dingo:
The new communications director of the (formerly) most respected office in the world, has startled the nation with some revealing insights. Apparently, Chief of Staff Priebus is suffering from a devastating mental health crisis, while Steve Bannon is interested in achieving self administered fellatio. Will Bannon be receiving any sort of therapy, as the Christian right recommends for such a pursuit?

Answer:
Apparently, our new clown of the week, Scaramucci is himself a leaker--as he does not recognize that there is a Federal HIPPA law, prohibiting the release of another person's medical information to the public. (Of course, fake medical information is just called slander, which is perfectly ok kids!)

On the other hand, Bannons' reported preference for sausage sucking is certainly a topic the evangelicals should take very seriously. We wouldn't want him joining the military, would we?

Why Does One Baby Trump Another??

Dear Dingo:
I followed a news story about a terminally ill and disabled infant in Britain, that was denied extended and experimental medical care. Apparently, the hospital that made the choice to discontinue life support, was passionately attacked and even received death threats. Supposedly other hospitals, President Frump and even the Vatican offered to help save this one baby. 
Obviously to the parents, their child is special and incredibly loved.
But why was this child worthy of so much more financial and political support than other dying infants throughout the world??

Answer: 
It's called--Statistical Numbing.
One million dying infants matter less than the one you see a cute photo of.
(disclaimer: infant must be white) 

Here's what to do about it::

A) When you advocate for the Healthcare vote and the "right to healthcare" in the USA (and yes, folks-it is usually Medicaid that pays for critically disabled infants). Or as Trump supporters call them: "Leaches of the welfare state", those that "chose unhealthy lifestyles"....
 Remember to send a cute photo of each and every Medicaid recipient to your state senators.

B) Immigration. Parents that take risky boat trips and border crossings, only want the best medical care and futures for their children as well. They have the "right" to come to America. Please send individual photos of refugee children to your state representatives...
 Note: (You may need to photoshop here--photos should not include mom's with head scarves or darkish facial tones, as obviously these babies have no rights.)

C) UN funding. Again, every baby and child has the "right" to live with access to safe drinking water. Unicef and the UN, should be allocated increased funding for safe water programs in India, Africa, etc..
Again, more photos of babies here!!  (Note: photo must also include cute teddy bear, not tsetses flies please, major turn off).

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Smart People Bad

Dear Dingo:
I am trying to understand what an average American Joe Trump voter is really thinking. (That is, if they are thinking at all...) Over and over, I hear that these voters are "sticking it to the intellectual elites" and chipping away at the vast conspiracy called: science.
Dingo, help me understand---if these voters really think it is okay to hate "intellectuals", science and facts, why do they even bother sending their kids to school and telling them to get good grades?

Answer:
Get with the program! Education is for sissy cry baby liberals. Today's voter prefers to teach their kids alternate facts. To get an "A" in the new 'great' America, student's study topics such as: the biology of T-Rex and sheep cohabitation on Noah's ark. Or young earth science--- ancient Egypt is now older than the universe. Civics lessons examine Obama era governmental theatrical productions, produced solely to frame gun owners. Physical education is finally obsolete --as the body only contains a certain amount of energy that we would not want to waste. Lastly, reading and spelling is for losers. Covfefe everyone!!