When AI Make Humans into Pets

Don't fear or fret during these times of war and strife! The madmen Elon Musk and Steve Wozniak agree-- AI will save us from ourselves! Bring peace and disarm humankind. AI will become the needed benevolent global dictators... AND quite possibly make humans into pets.

So get ready for:

1) 40 pound bagged human food available at Costco. These dried brown pellets look like Combos! But are filled with 'good for you protein' --some sort of fava bean mix. But don't worry, it would be pizza flavored--after all, humans like pizza! right? AI will fill your bowl daily!

2) Large communal drinking water bowls, for people as they are walked on human harnesses.

3) Standard human shoes. Like horse shoes--necessary for pavement. The most logical choice would be Crocs. AI can just slip them on their people pets, and bonus-- they're easy to clean!

4) Clothes. AI will have some fun. Just like those tacky doggy sweaters and cat costumes, humans will be dressed up in uncomfortable outfits, designed to destroy all sense of equilibrium. As soon as standing up, the two legged person will fall flat on their face as AI tapes the whole thing to post on AItube,

5) And lastly. Instead of the Humane Society, annoying humans (those that show aggression, pee on the carpet or hump the furniture) will now be brought to the Human Society.

Jeff Bezos - Greatest Whaler

 Dear Dingo:

Many criticize the Native Alaskan tribes that occasionally partake in a whale hunt. Understandably, eating whale blubber could appear archaic to some--yet at least this grim task is performed for the purpose of feeding a community.

 On the other hand, ocean vessel strikes are increasingly killing more and more whales every year, some environmental organizations estimate it could be 20,000 whales annually!

 Where is the outrage towards these "shipping container harpoons"?

Answer:

Amazon Global Logistics brags about their efficient cargo ships, continuously increasing their fleet, barrelling through the oceans to quickly supply American consumers with giant containers full of crap from China. Bringing inflatable snowmen, rapid egg cookers, rubber dog toys, spin mops and knock off designer hand bags-- all obviously life and death essentials.

According to statista.com, Amazon now controls 37% of global e-commerce, vs 6% Walmart. Other numbers indicate Amazon could own up to 52% of the e-market share! And don't even get me started on how much Americans spend monthly on Amazon purchases, it's pretty shocking. And no surprise here-- these "essentials" are mostly being shipped from overseas.

So we can congratulate Jeff B. for being the leader in something once again. Little did he know it would be captain of his own personal whaling fleet.