Create a Congressional Competency Test for Lauren B.

Dear Dingo:

What is the deal with Rep. Lauren Boebert?

How is a high school drop out, with so little analytical ability in a position of power? Why do teachers, lawyers, veterinarians, police,  etc, etc.... take some sort of test assessing knowledge, (or at least must prove mental stability), yet our important elected officials do not? 

Answer:

Puzzling indeed. The founding fathers simply expected voters and those running for office to be educated and stable.  Back in the day, nut jobs like Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Greene knew their place--they were stuffed in a back room somewhere, living their best life as "crazy auntie".

 There needs to be a congressional competency test. And pro tip: make it more challenging than:  "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" .  

 

Behind the Scenes at Fox News

Any fine fly on the wall at a fox news meeting would probably report the following:

2-23-2022

Fox Executive: "Remember, no matter what Putin pulls, our policy is -- JBB! 

                     (aka:  Just Blame Biden)"

News guy#1: "So if Biden imposes strong sanctions on Russia?"

Fox Executive: "Cut to Tucker Carlson tirade mode-Hunter Biden's laptop!!                     International meddling!! Putin is just a peaceful guy!!

News Guys #2 : "And if the sanctions are not that strong?"

Fox Executive: "Everyone repeats: Biden is weak! Biden is weak!"

News Guys #1--"Got it-- no matter if Biden is weak or strong, he is wrong?"

Fox Executive: "Yes! --Putin seeding international chaos, violence, & discord always                    comes second to our ratings". Meeting adjourned!

                                 

                    

Beware the Trumpinal

Dear Dingo:

This subject is beaten to death, but much like a clogged toilet, the detritus keeps spilling over.

 I can't stop wondering, how does Trump manage to keep such a large audience of followers?

Answer:

After much scientific analysis of Donald's genetic composition, the results are in. This madman is not considered 100% human. He in fact shares his DNA with more primitive beasts, leaving experts to conclude he is in fact, something known as a Trumpinal👹.

Many insecure humans, fearing change and liberals are drawn to those that exhibit false strength. A Trumpinal (much like a chicken) has the keen ability to understand the need to hide all weakness. Always project strength, always strut to avoid being pecked to death. 

Secondly, a Trumpinal 👹 has beastly desires. Lustful longings, incestuous thoughts. Craves sweets and fats as they have the most caloric input, which is necessary in the wild.

Trumpinals scream their siren song for all to hear. Much like the loudest crow will be listened to. The lion simply declares--hear me roar, it does not fact check. The point is the roar. Trumpinals respect this characteristic in others, especially when they are called Abdul or Vladimir.