Not Doomed Yet

Dear Dingo:

Weird Al Yancovich put out a song today: "America is Doomed, the Musical".

Oh my. Should I move to Canada or Mexico?

Answer:

Tough luck--neither country is opening their borders to silly Americans any time soon. You are stuck here with the rest of us Gringo!

In the meantime...Cheer up, we are not doomed (yet).  Elected officials must have some recollection (or at least a manual somewhere) on how to act like civil adults, once the Tasmanian devil is expelled...

And no matter how many times the giant toddler screams about voter fraud, he is to be ignored. Remember-- this is a man who was undermined by clever Tik Tok teens tanking his Tulsa rally!

Please Share the Debate Drugs

 Dear Dingo:

What to make of Trumpsters crazy claim, that Biden is taking some sort of drugs to increase his cognitive performance?

Answer:

If Trump really thought Biden was taking some sort of miracle cognition pills, he would ask for some too. Not because Trumpster thinks his own fuzzy brain could benefit from these mystery pills,  but because Trump LOVES money. Imagine the sales potential here!

New from AstraZeneca: 

"Ask your doctor about JoeCog. The only FDA approved substance to increase your IQ biggly! No side effects! Safe for Gramps and Meemaw!  Dementia is last weeks news with JoeCog! You too can have the stamina to debate your favorite Socialist for hours on end! Ask for it by name: JoeCog ."

(not available in Alaska, Hawaii or Puerto Rico) 

How to Campaign in 2020

 Dear Dingo:

 Lies, crazy speak, gaffes, conspiracy theories and ladies with guns seem to be the only thing making political headlines these days. Where are the policy discussions?

Answer:

America has now become one big Tik Tok or Youtube. Only craziness or cuteness gets the hits. President Grump knows this and controls the conversation, reality TV baby!

Here is my recipe for a Biden/Harris win:

1) They campaign with a golden retriever puppy in one hand. AT ALL TIMES.

2) Catchy song and video. Kamala and Joe compile a song and dance routine including puppies, cool cars, sunglasses, more puppies--and throw in some kangaroos for good measure.

3) Conspiracy theory. Real outrageous behavior by the current administration is not enough--like chronic diarrhea, there is just too much of it. Everyone loses focus! Need to pick one thing (luckily these days, it does not need to be real) and stick with it.

 Possible ideas: Pres. Grump has a secret alien wife👽, that is why Melania looks so upset.

The Devil 👹 guides Grump and forces him to wear red, long neck ties and play golf.

Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV is code for Space Force to begin "shaping" all American citizens into camera TVs 📻 . Elon Musk was awarded a huge multibillion dollar grant for this...