Dear Dingo:
Isn't it ok to be outraged by the migrant groups that keep crossing borders??
Answer:
According to Republicans--absolutely !!
We need to acknowledge that migration is bad, very bad. If you are white--pack up your bags, get on a ship or plane and return to Europe immediately! (and take your damn rats too). Give that illegal land back to the Native Americans already. Better yet, once you get to Europe--keep going south, trekking down through the original bread belt of the Middle East (heard there is plenty of room there!) and if there isn't--how about Africa?? Now you are back where you came from. Happy as a clam. No migration necessary.
Dingo speaks
Saturday, April 13, 2019
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Political Tribalism is all in the Brain
Dear Dingo:
We are painfully divided as a country. My understanding is that this is a tribalistic thing. Why can't we simply evolve and not choose sides?
Answer:
Blame your brain and the politicians that are exploiting it!
Studies have shown conservative brains are actually wired to be fearful and more anxious. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, until it morphs into outright paranoia and crazy speak. You can thank Fox News and Friends for fanning the flames of fearful falsehoods. Conservatives are pretty convinced that the Democratic party is simply a bunch of hedonistic weirdos, encouraging 7 billion dark folks to migrate and vote in the Green New Deal, all while cavorting with pizza eating pedophiles.
On the other hand, science shows liberals have empathetic, trusting brains. Which seems pretty good until you realize that trophies for all and vegan preschools aren't exactly pillars for success. And as the West Coast is learning, not all drug users are a ton of fun, especially when they start camping out in your backyard.
Thursday, March 7, 2019
How You Win an Election
Dear Dingo:
You seem to have less to say these days. Any suggestions for the large pile of Democrats throwing themselves into the upcoming presidential election??
Answer:
Avoid using your brain. Long complicated platforms with boring logical solutions don't matter to anyone anymore. Just keep it simple stupid.
1- Nobody will change a rabid Trump supporters mind. Nobody. You could post billboards with pictures of Trump eating babies all over the USA, and it would just be a waste of time.
2- Nyet, Nyet Putin net. Just hire a handful of those Silicon Valley Whiz kids to block the damn Russians already.
3- Consult with Steve Bannon. He is the one who knew to tap into racist fears, then produce a silly chant like: "Build the Wall". What else do uneducated swing voters fear? Perhaps zombies. Then scream: "Zap the Zombies" !
4- Campaign ads accomplish nothing. All those billions of dollars would be better spent sending every household in a swing state some ranch dressing and a picture of a puppy.
You seem to have less to say these days. Any suggestions for the large pile of Democrats throwing themselves into the upcoming presidential election??
Answer:
Avoid using your brain. Long complicated platforms with boring logical solutions don't matter to anyone anymore. Just keep it simple stupid.
1- Nobody will change a rabid Trump supporters mind. Nobody. You could post billboards with pictures of Trump eating babies all over the USA, and it would just be a waste of time.
2- Nyet, Nyet Putin net. Just hire a handful of those Silicon Valley Whiz kids to block the damn Russians already.
3- Consult with Steve Bannon. He is the one who knew to tap into racist fears, then produce a silly chant like: "Build the Wall". What else do uneducated swing voters fear? Perhaps zombies. Then scream: "Zap the Zombies" !
4- Campaign ads accomplish nothing. All those billions of dollars would be better spent sending every household in a swing state some ranch dressing and a picture of a puppy.
Thursday, January 17, 2019
If You Have No Food, Don't Invite the Guests
Dear Dingo:
I know it may seem petty, but I still have not gotten over the White House serving a crappy, cold and unhealthy meal to elite athletes. What kind of bigly billionaire businessman would even brag about such an insulting expenditure? He comes across like a cheap creep.
Answer:
I have no answer for this madness, but let's learn two cautionary tales here:
A) This is what happens when you send your kids to boarding school-- the mommy lessons get missed out on. Your offspring will simply never learn how to serve guests a nice meal or function outside a bully filled dormitory, where wedgies serve as an appropriate social greeting.
B) "Everyone's favorite foods" obviously lead to direct dementia. After consuming you may experience saying crazy things like: 'Mexico will pay for the wall' or "we ate hamberders".
I know it may seem petty, but I still have not gotten over the White House serving a crappy, cold and unhealthy meal to elite athletes. What kind of bigly billionaire businessman would even brag about such an insulting expenditure? He comes across like a cheap creep.
Answer:
I have no answer for this madness, but let's learn two cautionary tales here:
A) This is what happens when you send your kids to boarding school-- the mommy lessons get missed out on. Your offspring will simply never learn how to serve guests a nice meal or function outside a bully filled dormitory, where wedgies serve as an appropriate social greeting.
B) "Everyone's favorite foods" obviously lead to direct dementia. After consuming you may experience saying crazy things like: 'Mexico will pay for the wall' or "we ate hamberders".
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Tucker Carlson's Excellent Adventure
Dear Dingo:
Faux News host, Tucker Carlson, recently made headlines by 'telling the truth' about immigrants arriving in the USA. He stated they will make our country dirtier and poorer. As an example, he cites Immigrants soiling the Arizona desert during their perilous journey across the border. Then he blames the 'left" for screaming 'racist' when he says this sort of thing. How can he be so blind to this obvious racism?
Answer:
Because apparently poor Mr. Tucker doesn't get out much. I believe Faux News encourages their employees to live in gilded cages, surrounded by their own kind--mostly angry, privileged and portly white men.
May I first suggest Mr. Tucker spend a few days wondering and camping the hot Arizona desert on foot with a family in tow. Apparently he would be able to use his "white vision" allowing access to all the hidden recycling receptacles and toilets among the cacti.
Secondly, he could embark on a glorious journey of whiteness--starting up North in the Mat-Su Valley of Alaska. May I suggest touring the back roads of Meadow Lakes or Wasilla? Clean is not the word that comes to mind, yet no immigrants to be seen....
Third, he should drive the roads through American Appalachian country or the deep South. There he can play the whimsical counting game: "99 deceased dogs on the road, 99 deceased dogs..."
Lastly, wrap it up with a tour of the Seattle or San Francisco homeless camps. Thousands of tents, trash and white (yes, white!) people living on the street. And (gasp!) mostly due to Reagan's Mental Health System Act of 1980 and Republicans refusal to fund housing for the poor-- ironically their least racist policy--as to them all poor people equally suck.
Faux News host, Tucker Carlson, recently made headlines by 'telling the truth' about immigrants arriving in the USA. He stated they will make our country dirtier and poorer. As an example, he cites Immigrants soiling the Arizona desert during their perilous journey across the border. Then he blames the 'left" for screaming 'racist' when he says this sort of thing. How can he be so blind to this obvious racism?
Answer:
Because apparently poor Mr. Tucker doesn't get out much. I believe Faux News encourages their employees to live in gilded cages, surrounded by their own kind--mostly angry, privileged and portly white men.
May I first suggest Mr. Tucker spend a few days wondering and camping the hot Arizona desert on foot with a family in tow. Apparently he would be able to use his "white vision" allowing access to all the hidden recycling receptacles and toilets among the cacti.
Secondly, he could embark on a glorious journey of whiteness--starting up North in the Mat-Su Valley of Alaska. May I suggest touring the back roads of Meadow Lakes or Wasilla? Clean is not the word that comes to mind, yet no immigrants to be seen....
Third, he should drive the roads through American Appalachian country or the deep South. There he can play the whimsical counting game: "99 deceased dogs on the road, 99 deceased dogs..."
Lastly, wrap it up with a tour of the Seattle or San Francisco homeless camps. Thousands of tents, trash and white (yes, white!) people living on the street. And (gasp!) mostly due to Reagan's Mental Health System Act of 1980 and Republicans refusal to fund housing for the poor-- ironically their least racist policy--as to them all poor people equally suck.
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
The Mental Health Summit
Dear Dingo:
Of all the celebrities to choose from, why in the world would the 'president', pick to meet with someone as unstable and nonsensical as Kanye West? Are there not plenty of other African Americans willing to discuss jobs and Chicago crime issues with Trumplestiltskin?
Answer:
Apparently not.
Perhaps they recognize each other as comrades in their struggles with mental illness. Kanye has already opened up about his (obvious) bi-polar disorder, and Trump may want to divulge his own struggles with megalomania and delusions of grandeur. Perhaps treatment options will be discussed.
KIm Johg Un has Dennis Rodman, and Trumpster has Kanye...sanity ensues...
Of all the celebrities to choose from, why in the world would the 'president', pick to meet with someone as unstable and nonsensical as Kanye West? Are there not plenty of other African Americans willing to discuss jobs and Chicago crime issues with Trumplestiltskin?
Answer:
Apparently not.
Perhaps they recognize each other as comrades in their struggles with mental illness. Kanye has already opened up about his (obvious) bi-polar disorder, and Trump may want to divulge his own struggles with megalomania and delusions of grandeur. Perhaps treatment options will be discussed.
KIm Johg Un has Dennis Rodman, and Trumpster has Kanye...sanity ensues...
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Bitches Will Bite When Beaten
Dear Dingo:
Why in this day and age do so many older men still have a hard time taking women seriously??
Answer:
Simple Insecurity. Human men secretly know that women are amazing--so they must keep them down at all costs.
(*note: dogs, on the other hand, have always respected females--- male dogs never consider copulation with an uninterested female, not to mention--bitches bite.)
Back to humans---A partial list of things that scare human men about women:
1-Women make whole people inside their uterus. Men make ejaculate.
2-Women release milk (food !) Men go bald and release hair (non-nourishment).
3- Girls outperform boys in school, and take men's jobs. Men can't replace women (see #1)
4- Women can stand for hours in high heels and panty hose. Men sit in 'lazy boy" chairs.
Why in this day and age do so many older men still have a hard time taking women seriously??
Answer:
Simple Insecurity. Human men secretly know that women are amazing--so they must keep them down at all costs.
(*note: dogs, on the other hand, have always respected females--- male dogs never consider copulation with an uninterested female, not to mention--bitches bite.)
Back to humans---A partial list of things that scare human men about women:
1-Women make whole people inside their uterus. Men make ejaculate.
2-Women release milk (food !) Men go bald and release hair (non-nourishment).
3- Girls outperform boys in school, and take men's jobs. Men can't replace women (see #1)
4- Women can stand for hours in high heels and panty hose. Men sit in 'lazy boy" chairs.
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