Things You Are Doing That Are Totally Lemming

After some careful canine centered research, I've sniffed out some ludicrous lemming fads. Just stop and think: "Do I even like this?"

1) Gray luxury vinyl flooring.  This is a twofer. Adding the word "luxury" doesn't make anything fancy. You can't have a luxury 1997 Honda Civic, nor a Luxury Twinkie. Even worse is the color GRAY. Oy vey. Nobody likes gray. Do people travel to gray, rainy climates? No. Didn't the whole Soviet Union with their ubiquitous gray everything come crashing down? Yes.

2) Lip Fillers. When did looking like a cod fish become sexy? There is no way in heck this looks remotely natural. Or is that the point? Look at me, I can afford weird ass lips?

3) In and Out French Fries. Lines, lines, long as lines. Everyone waiting for their In and Out Burger. The burgers are fine, but let's be honest-- the most soggy, flavorless fries OUT there.

 

 

The Dog Dumpers and Dog Breedism

  Many moons ago, as a youngish bitch, I found myself at the dreaded dog pound-- a hairs away from evil euthanasia. As luck would have it, I escaped my fate, making me a damn good authority on canines awaiting rescue, don't ya think?🐾

My primary pet peeve? Humans are freakin breedists. They think they want a certain "breed" of dog-- because it looks 'cute'. Think: what is a breed? A pure bred is a canine animal being forcefully mated to continue a line of genetic mutations. Enter the prolific puppy mills, selling their wares to unsuspecting fools, who tire of the gangly beasts, dumping them at the shelter.

A quick search on Petfinder, and the most dumped dogs are:

 (Not bashing these breeds! But for biscuits sake--do your research before paying some unethical breeder--and support the shelter dogs instead!) 

Pitbulls--who in their right mind is still breeding prolific pit bulls? Calling them stafford terriers doesn't change anything. Shelters are bursting, just bursting with pit mixes.

German Shepherds--Just ask Biden. These loyal watchdogs are big and maybe, occasionally bite. No biggie, just being protective. Don't get a GS puppy if you don't want a large guard dog!

Siberian Husky-- The blue eyed beauty, who can resist a husky pup? You can. If you can't handle a dog that is going to jump your fence and run away, don't buy a friggin husky!

Generic Lab mix- Goofy, slightly stinky, and ubiquitous. Once they grow into 70 pound dorks scarfing down dog food, people lose interest. But remember--a mixed mutt is ALWAYS healthier, with less issues than a puppy mill purebred, disgustingly forced to mate his sister.

Chihuahua- Small, cute dog selling tacos at Taco Bell. What's not to love? Well think tiny German Shepherd with a big attitude, the cliche of the ankle biter world. 

You may think you're not buying your puppy from a puppy mill, but dog crooks are sneaky. Google the term "Amish golden doodle puppy mills" if you want some eye opening literature. Vets are all too complicit in the pure bred venture scam, as they totally know certain "breeds", (like golden retrievers, poodles) are just riddled with expensive, genetic health problems.

Seek out mixed dogs for hybrid vigor and support rescue. Goodnight! Woof and a howl 🐶!

When AI Make Humans into Pets

Don't fear or fret during these times of war and strife! The madmen Elon Musk and Steve Wozniak agree-- AI will save us from ourselves! Bring peace and disarm humankind. AI will become the needed benevolent global dictators... AND quite possibly make humans into pets.

So get ready for:

1) 40 pound bagged human food available at Costco. These dried brown pellets look like Combos! But are filled with 'good for you protein' --some sort of fava bean mix. But don't worry, it would be pizza flavored--after all, humans like pizza! right? AI will fill your bowl daily!

2) Large communal drinking water bowls, for people as they are walked on human harnesses.

3) Standard human shoes. Like horse shoes--necessary for pavement. The most logical choice would be Crocs. AI can just slip them on their people pets, and bonus-- they're easy to clean!

4) Clothes. AI will have some fun. Just like those tacky doggy sweaters and cat costumes, humans will be dressed up in uncomfortable outfits, designed to destroy all sense of equilibrium. As soon as standing up, the two legged person will fall flat on their face as AI tapes the whole thing to post on AItube,

5) And lastly. Instead of the Humane Society, annoying humans (those that show aggression, pee on the carpet or hump the furniture) will now be brought to the Human Society.

Jeff Bezos - Greatest Whaler

 Dear Dingo:

Many criticize the Native Alaskan tribes that occasionally partake in a whale hunt. Understandably, eating whale blubber could appear archaic to some--yet at least this grim task is performed for the purpose of feeding a community.

 On the other hand, ocean vessel strikes are increasingly killing more and more whales every year, some environmental organizations estimate it could be 20,000 whales annually!

 Where is the outrage towards these "shipping container harpoons"?

Answer:

Amazon Global Logistics brags about their efficient cargo ships, continuously increasing their fleet, barrelling through the oceans to quickly supply American consumers with giant containers full of crap from China. Bringing inflatable snowmen, rapid egg cookers, rubber dog toys, spin mops and knock off designer hand bags-- all obviously life and death essentials.

According to statista.com, Amazon now controls 37% of global e-commerce, vs 6% Walmart. Other numbers indicate Amazon could own up to 52% of the e-market share! And don't even get me started on how much Americans spend monthly on Amazon purchases, it's pretty shocking. And no surprise here-- these "essentials" are mostly being shipped from overseas.

So we can congratulate Jeff B. for being the leader in something once again. Little did he know it would be captain of his own personal whaling fleet.

Grain Free for Dogs

 As this is most certainly a blog written from a dog's point of view, then it goes without saying that this particular dog would have a few pet peeves ;)

After perusing a few forums about canine cuisine, this particular dog came upon posts (written by people) claiming their vets were telling them carnivorous pets 'need grain' in their diets. So I dug my paws further. Some vets snobbishly claim "dogs are not wolves", others justify the statement by claiming grains are more nutritious than cheap protein fillers in grain free diets.

What gives? 

1) Do dogs 'need grain'? 

Answer:  If you Google this one, the answer 'yes' is provided by Purina 😂 Enough said.

2) Are dogs wolves? 

Depends on the dog! Your pug is a mutant--you can continue with the pureed baby dog food. Your malamute on the other hand-- different story (If you don't know how wild your own dog is, ask yourself this--does my dog cuddle a cat or eat it?)

3) Cheap protein fillers. So here's the real rub-- grain free foods try to keep costs down by stuffing peas, beans and all sorts of legumes in dog food. A wolf would not be eating peas anymore than a stalk of corn in the wild. And in fact, studies show that legumes can block taurine and lower red blood cell counts in dogs--which is probably the main reason vets would be against it. But they don't tell you that, assuming most pet owners have peas for brains.

4) Alaskan sled dogs live entirely on fish and meat. Heck we knew a musher who raised his own cattle, slaughtered them and fed the whole darn thing to the dog lot! Those dogs lived much longer, healthier lives than any bag fed couch potato. But before you try this at home folks--these dogs were eating the organs, skin, bones- all of it. Same with the fish--skin, meat bones. Fish and meat are not nutritionally complete foods if you don't serve all the parts!

5) As most folks don't have cattle or salmon rivers in their suburban back yards--(nor could afford it) people resort to bagged and canned pet food. Fillers are fillers--they keep cost down. Fortified grains might just be the lesser of two two evils when compared to legumes. But grain inflammation is a real thing in dogs. Rice & veggies are probably ok, but depends on the dog.

Good luck and a woof and a howl!

Commander's Point of View

 We here at Dear Dingo, had the rare opportunity to interview President Biden's dog Commander, allowing him the chance to explain his side of the biting allegations.

DD: Hello (insert quick butt sniff)

Commander: Hello to you to (returns butt sniff)

DD: So, you currently live in a gigantic dome house filled with weird smells.

Commander: That is correct.

DD: And how many back leg walkers, a.k.a. the humans, live with you?

Commander: Hmm, about the same amount as a large Canadian goose migration. Besides the old gray man and his wife, most of them come and go all day long.

DD: Some of these humans claim you have been acting aggressive and biting them.

Commander: I don't know what you consider "aggressive", but I have been correcting their behavior with my teeth, reminding them to keep clear.

DD: Why?

Commander: Duh, it is my job. I am a German Shepherd, a breed developed by Max von Stephanitz in Germany to protect flocks from predators. The old man needs my protection. He and his lady are my flock. I do not trust the constant parade of dark suit humans lurking around our freakishly large dome house.

DD: But if you continue with the biting, they may send you away, like they did to Major, the other German Shep protecting his flock.

Commander: I have heard of this Major, poor fellow. But I know no other way. It is deep in my blood to protect those that are weak from predation. As I have heard, with my fine ears, you just can't trust anyone in Washington DC.

DD: Thank you for your time. Good luck with that. Allow me to lick you quickly.

Commander: You are welcome (returns lick)

What is Fox's News Obsession with Mexico about?

Here we go again, yet another Faux news headline: "American tourists die in Mexico!"

Maybe there happens to be a Fox news reader with the attention span to read beyond sensationalist headlines...then they would learn that in this particular incident, the cause of death was accidental CO2 poisoning.

Tragic yes, but what does it have to do with "Mexico" (?) when according to the CDC "at least 420 Americans die annually" (right here in the good ole USA) "from accidental CO2 poisoning". Doubt Faux news gives each and every one of those victims a breaking news headline?!?

Could it be because Fox finds racism to be fun and income generating? (Those old white men watching viagra ads and spitting at their TV's sure love an excuse to hate on them browns)

If Fox news really wanted to keep Mexicans from migrating, the smart thing to do would be to help the Mexican economy! Encourage their gringo viewers to vacation there more, not less.

But of course, Fox executives prefer to become plump with profits from racist headlines 👺