Surving the Suburbs Part 1

I have been lacing my tea with vitamin D.
Finally escaping the dreary February funk that had set in...Yet, upon my jolted awakening-- a strange feeling of dread still persisted... The grey roof tops were still there, the dog walkers and the joggers. Alas, I am cursed! And may in fact be residing in an actual suburban neighborhood!!!
How did this happen?? I, who have made it a career to wail (or is it rail?) against the dreary suburbs, may now in fact be partaking ??
How did I not recognize this before settling in?? Was I fooled by the proximity to a large river and sounds of recreational watercraft?  The giant sequoias? Was it the local skateboarding dogs? Or perhaps something my husband calls the affliction of "pool blindness"?...

Nevertheless, here I am, and must at least temporarily endure this self imposed gulag of lawns and pointless gossip...But a few survival techniques are coming to mind...
HOW NOT TO DIE OF BOREDOM IN SUBURBIA:

A) Tie a 'Fit Bit' to the dog. How can you not do this? Dearest Dingo spent all night pacing with her dog anxiety--and all I could think was--how many steps was that??

B) Climb forbidden fences. Late to my son's school one morning, the security gate was already closed. Due to my derangement, I somehow convinced my poor boy that we both must climb over the chain link fence to get into the school! After we successfully maneuvered the fence--a neighbor casually strolled by and pointed out the gate was not locked...

C) Garden during unusual weather. I prefer hail.

D) Hold on to your possessed electronics. We have a stereo that every 3 months does the weirdest thing: it magically turns itself to max volume. And I mean max! We returned home one evening to find that the crazy radio did just that--during an NPR pledge drive nevertheless! Blasting clear as a bell, audible from the street. The next day a neighbor ran over and gifted us flower bulbs--could they have been in fact --impressed by our commitment to the arts?