Parasite or Economy?

Dear Dingo:

I was researching the surge in homeowner mosquito spraying services (as consumers fear new mosquito borne viruses) and discovered that the chemical industry is actually pretty damn excited about climate change and the need to produce more pesticides!
How can we ever solve any environmental problems, if these problems inadvertently produce economic growth?

Answer:
Silly, silly human. Only now are you understanding that your "evolved" human economic systems are based on creating more problems, not solving them?

Imagine for a minute if every citizen of the developed world spontaneously gave up their cars, sodas, and lawns. Jogging to work from their sustainable tiny houses, all while stuffing themselves with organic produce grown in their very own rain gardens ? 
Jobs would disappear, the economy would collapse and we would have a lot more drum circles....

But alas, most people would not like this at all. They like wealth and employment opportunities. And employment comes from tearing down forests, building Mcmansions, and being sick.  Your anxiety, sleep deprivation, diabetes and all other health care --is the largest growth industry in the USA !! (a healthy herb sniffing hippie is useless to the economy)

Economists are not oncologists, they do not see that unlimited growth is also called cancer.

The Granolas are Coming

Dear Dingo:

I have seen bizarre signs in rural areas that "liberal legislators want to take your guns". There seems to be this notion, that a complex liberal plot has been hatched to go into people's homes and just take away their guns!  
But I don't get the logical conclusion of this argument. Then what? What are these liberals actually going to do to unarmed folk? 

Answer:
Well obviously the debates and political infighting of the Democratic party is a ruse! Simply a silly distraction --it makes them look conflicted and non-unified. But Alas! Bernie, Harris, Biden, Booker, Pelosi and Cortez are all one. Secretly meeting in dark kombucha bars to discuss their diabolical plan for world hippie dominance.
It will be their own special happy place of forced vegan burgers, uni-gender individuals, mosquito rights, and diaper free babies sporting fair trade amber teething rings.

Deepfakes and Democracy

Dear Dingo:
I fear the end of democracy is near. With "deepfake" videos, any political candidate (or citizen) can be falsely morphed into realistic video format. Nobody will be able to decipher reality in any shape or form. If we think ads are bad now--won't these fake AI videos be the complete end of our informed democracy? And history as we know it?

Answer:
YES.
But in the meantime--get on the bandwagon & use Deepfake to create alternate reality!

 Simply place any candidate that starts with a B (say Beto, Booker, Biden, Bernie...) and place their bodies over any Trump rally video. (some weight inflation will be necessary) Augment the voice and voila! Post on Youtube and old white men will be so completely confused, they won't be able to tell Trump's ass from Buttigieg's elbow....

Biden

Dear Dingo:
I am a bit worried about Joe Biden's "inappropriate touching" issues. Young liberals are just not comfortable with Joe's past regarding women.

Answer:
Do you even reside on earth?
Biden should touch women more, not less! Have you not noticed that Trump voters absolutely love, love a misogynic pig ! In their eyes it makes him a real man after all ;)
And while he's at it--perhaps Biden should mock a few disabled folks, ride an ATV to the border-- and build two walls-- all while eating a greasy cheeseburger !
Only thing Biden needs to do is convince some Wisconsin good old boys and cranky Floridians that he the more likeable pervert.
Enlightened blue state hipster opinions: will only get you elected dog catcher.

Eat, Drink, Sleep, Migrate

Dear Dingo:
Isn't it ok to be outraged by the migrant groups that keep crossing borders??

Answer:
According to Republicans--absolutely !!

We need to acknowledge that migration is bad, very bad. If you are white--pack up your bags, get on a ship or plane and return to Europe immediately! (and take your damn rats too). Give that illegal land back to the Native Americans already. Better yet, once you get to Europe--keep going south, trekking down through the original bread belt of the Middle East (heard there is plenty of room there!) and if there isn't--how about Africa?? Now you are back where you came from. Happy as a clam. No migration necessary. 

Political Tribalism is all in the Brain

Dear Dingo:
We are painfully divided as a country. My understanding is that this is a tribalistic thing. Why can't we simply evolve and not choose sides?

Answer:
Blame your brain and the politicians that are exploiting it!

Studies have shown conservative brains are actually wired to be fearful and more anxious. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, until it morphs into outright paranoia and crazy speak. You can thank Fox News and Friends for fanning the flames of fearful falsehoods. Conservatives are pretty convinced that the Democratic party is simply a bunch of hedonistic weirdos, encouraging 7 billion dark folks to migrate and vote in the Green New Deal, all while cavorting with pizza eating pedophiles.

On the other hand, science shows liberals have empathetic, trusting brains. Which seems pretty good until you realize that trophies for all and vegan preschools aren't exactly pillars for success. And as the West Coast is learning, not all drug users are a ton of fun, especially when they start camping out in your backyard. 

How You Win an Election

Dear Dingo:
You seem to have less to say these days. Any suggestions for the large pile of Democrats throwing themselves into the upcoming presidential election??

Answer:
Avoid using your brain. Long complicated platforms with boring logical solutions don't matter to anyone anymore. Just keep it simple stupid.

1- Nobody will change a rabid Trump supporters mind. Nobody. You could post billboards with pictures of Trump eating babies all over the USA, and it would just be a waste of time.

2- Nyet, Nyet Putin net. Just hire a handful of those Silicon Valley Whiz kids to block the damn Russians already.

3- Consult with Steve Bannon. He is the one who knew to tap into racist fears, then produce a silly chant like: "Build the Wall". What else do uneducated swing voters fear?  Perhaps zombies. Then scream:  "Zap the Zombies" !

4- Campaign ads accomplish nothing. All those billions of dollars would be better spent  sending every household in a swing state some ranch dressing and a picture of a puppy.