Crap the Lower 48 Takes for Granted

Take it from someone who just crawled out of the wild, you Lower 48 folks just don't know how easy you've got it...!!!  
For example:
--IKEA. Holy cow, just can't stop eating at their cheap ass cafe!! And how do they make all that rickety furniture look so good? Mesmerizing.

--Online ordering. Having only lived in the "no shipping to AK, HI and Puerto Rico" or "additional fees apply" category during this whole darn internet phenomena-- imagine the thrill, yes the thrill! of being able to finally get FREE SHIPPING. Holy doodles, the UPS guy at this point thinks we are drunk or insane. Delivering boxes of cheap Italian glassware, patio tables and avocado mayonnaise to our doorstep. But the shipping was free!!!

--Trader Joe's. This crazy place has figured out my generation. Changing the merchandise weekly, keeps the low attention crowd from being bored...not to mention their emphasis on three major food groups: frozen foods, desserts and cheap wine!

--Additional Roads. Say there is a wildfire, oil spill or avalanche (ok, probably won't happen) but there are alternate routes available. You can avoid the calamity and actually arrive at your final destination!

--Swimming. Summer recreation in the lower 48 means really using the water bodies, without having to carry a membership to the polar bear club!

--Crickets. I sure like hearing these little critters chirp in the evening. Not to mention they are a good source or protein--although, I'll admit it's not to my taste. Ok, maybe if they were served at IKEA.