Dear Dingo:
I am too embarrassed to admit which country I am writing you from. Let's just say, it was once a great nation, but was recently conquered by leaders who believe only in conspiracy theories and employing chimpanzees as fact checkers. I think the entire administration may in fact be illiterate. I don't know how to safely raise my family under such a scary regime. Advice?
Answer:
Good for the chimpanzees, they have found employment!!
Take heart--plenty of 2nd and third world countries have survived such regimes, and their children may have even prospered!
Look to some fine countries for inspiration, such as Kazakhstan or Venezuela, who also have embraced reduced regulations, monkey business, crazy propaganda and increased fossil fuel production! Yay!
First: Build a giant concrete wall around your home.
Not only will this keep the increasing masses of poor people out of your house, but the chickens will remain in. It is also quite "third world chic".
Second: Say goodbye to your children, pack their bags and send them elsewhere for their education. I recommend Canada. This way, they will also avoid the inevitable 'Bannon draft'.
Third: Remember to turn off your TV and never, never listen to presidential spokespeople. They will try to fool you with bizarre stories of massacres, espionage microwaves and bears attacking schools.
Lastly: Begin brewing some sort of home liquor concoction, you are going to need a lot of it!
No comments:
Post a Comment