Conservatives Are Closet Evolutionists

Dear Dingo:
I recently read a crime story, that was unfortunately committed by a homosexual man. Out of curiosity, I scrolled to the 'comments' section. Instead of discussing the crime, the internet trolls could not stop themselves from commenting how the criminal was obviously: "a Clinton voter, typical sick liberal, etc.."
For the life of me, I can not understand what one isolated crime has to do with painting all liberals as crazy lunatics?

Answer:

Let me explain, by telling you about the crow. This glorious black bird lives in a complex society, made up mostly of extended family and friends. When one crow appears injured or just plain different, the other crows attack and kill it. They feel that the "different crow" will bring down their group and it must be eliminated. It is a simple animal urge, stemming from a struggle for daily existence and survival of their species.

Now replace the word "crow" with 'conservative'. Conservative creatures feel the weak, poor, new and 'different' must be hated and systematically destroyed. Especially the "weird" liberals and refugees. A conservative society consists only of strong, white and confident heterosexuals--the others require a good pecking.

This brings us to the true diabolical reason conservatives do not want schools teaching Darwin's theories. Their stinky think tanks don't believe in Creationism one bit. But they do know if kiddos figure out that conservative policy is nothing more than the same social engineering performed by apes, chickens and crows, their "great America" gig is up. After all,  if a crow and chicken is all it takes to write conservative legislation, they all will be out of their jobs...

Meet your future senator.