Thursday, October 15, 2020

Radical New Exercise Machines!

 Dear Dingo:

I can not stand the sound of my neighbors' leaf blower any longer! Not only does he use the obnoxious thing for leaves-- but also for dirt, dust and debris! Help!

Dear Frustrated:

Please let your neighbor know about the new and cost effective exercise plans:

Radical Raking!

Purchase a long-handled gizmo called a RAKE. Available now at your local hardware or big box store! Next, practice using the 'rake'--a simple back and forth, back and forth motion. Move leaves into piles or mulch for free compost. Lastly, make your lazy leaf blowing neighbor jealous, by instragraming your buff muscle pics. 

For dirt: Sexy Sweeping!

Purchase something called a "broom". For those unfamiliar with a 'broom'- it is the pole like thing that witches use for flying. Please do not attempt flying at home, that is for expert level only.

Just like for raking; use back and forth motion. This act is called sweeping. Again, place dirt into small piles and place in trash. (Note* requires taking responsibility for your own debris, unlike leaf blowing where it is simply moved onto the neighbors property).

For sexier sweeping, try wearing fish net stockings and a horned skullcap hat.

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