The Recluse on Sesame Street

Real estate listings tell you a lot of things: like square footage of a lot, the house, "good school district", all those mundane details that are pretty good to know. Yet, in my humble opinion, the most important disclosure of all is missing. Something that I call: a neighborhoods "sociability index" . You just need to know !! How else would some engaging extrovert know that his or her future home may just be on a "keep to themselves street"?? Or worse--if an innocent introvert (like say maybe myself) accidentally falls ass backwards into the most freakishly friendly neighborhood, with all its associated social obligations ??!!

Yes, yes I know-everyone dreams of living in "Mr. Rogers neighborhood", where the children roam the streets like free range chickens and neighbors wave gaily and invite you to BBQ's. Who even knew that these places even existed outside some 1950's sitcom?? (I sure didn't).

It all happened so quickly,-- had not even opened the front door on move-in day --when a swarm of neighbors came rushing to the driveway to meet us. "Hi! Hi! Here are the kids, meet my dog, let me tell you the history of the house you are moving into! You'll love it here! Do you need to borrow a tea pot??"

Before I could even collect myself, two joggers ran by smiling and waving : "welcome to the neighborhood!" they called out.

What have I gotten myself into....??

Next came knocking on the door, with a fresh baked cake...(oh crap--what do I need to cook in return??) Thank you !(insert exasperated smile to said neighbor). Friendly neighbor person also wanted to remind me: "if you ever need anything--like an egg--just come on over and borrow one!" 

"Yes, thank you! Of course."

Here's what I am really thinking: 'WTF does that even mean?? The grocery store is like 1 minute away--do I look weak? lazy? unable to make it there? or just really, really egg-dependent??'

Then came the invites to dinner and a neighborhood BBQ. And as I smile (once again) and make up some lame response as to why we regrettably can't, introvert brain is thinking the following:

"I'm sorry, but I just can't accept this social invite and the associated reciprocation that is expected of me. I have no intention in attending or hosting neighborhood dinners, as I find it incredibly stressful and draining to make small talk without copious amounts of alcohol". (which may or may not be provided at said event) Yikes!

And to make it worse, I actually like some of these people, but feel the need to hide from them and their need to excessively wave and talk to one another- What if I take out the garbage and miss an obligation to wave at someone???--Then they'll all stand around the cul-de-sac discussing what the heck is wrong with me--"perhaps she needs another cake??"