Confirmed. Trump Alien

Dear Dingo:
A few days back I read in the real news about a 2004 UFO sighting by a Navy pilot. It was taken quite seriously and even led to a secret government space program. 13 years have passed since then, but no aliens! Where did they go?

Answer:
Have you seen the movie Men in Black?? Well it is exactly like that. Secret Government programs and aliens among us. 
You know how in the movie the aliens are wearing human bodies as disguises? Well what do you think your current president is? An alien in a Trump suit!

The Evidence:

* Alien Trump has let his native language slip out with words such as: Covfefe and bigly. He often struggles with the English language, like any alien or newcomer would.

* Strange slurred mouth movements during speeches & weird water drinking movements.

* Unnatural hair style, awkward skin color, odd and painful grimaces--caused by his ill fitting human 'suit'.

* Intense fear, disgust and obsession with human body fluids and women's blood--
Due to their advanced evolutionary state, aliens are naturally body fluid free. Instead of lymphatic systems and disgusting digestion, their females recycle body waste internally, pooping out roses and discharging only champagne--anything else is primitive and gross.

And What are the Aliens up to?

It is quite obvious why the aliens have put this plan in place. After sending their probe to test our natural resources back in 2004, they decided that: "yes--earth is the planet for us!" 
BUT advanced aliens are much too clever to start a tedious galactic war, instead opting to destroy us from within. It won't take long for Alien Trump to send off the nuclear tweet, setting off the end to humanity. And with that my friends, the alien's will have achieved their goal.

Democrats Would Never Get Away With It

Dear Dingo:
I am concerned that Republicans just don't seem to give a damn that their "president" is a dangerous pathological liar, who may or may not be experiencing dementia. They would not have allowed a Democrat to get away with 1% of this current nonsense. What gives??

Answer:
One word--THE AGENDA

Republicans have been licking wounds for many years-- whining that they have not been able to implement their "awesome agenda". Finally the proverbial ball is in their court ! Quite frankly it did not matter if Republicans had voted for Spongebob or a sea serpent, as long as he allowed them to proceed with their diabolical plans...

What is their agenda you ask??

A) Open up public lands to drill for more oil, for no reason whatsoever !! ha! There is currently low demand for oil and low cost per barrel. Nonsensical policy also ignores what people really want --  electric cars.

B) Low taxes for old rich people. That will teach the poor a good lesson! 

C) No access to health care. Again--that will teach the weak and sickly to pull themselves up out of their wheelchairs and off their respirators and get back to all the work the coal mines will be providing!

D) Normalize sexual harassment. After all, back when America was great, who didn't enjoy a good ass pinching or exposed penis ? Besides, that is what keeps men hetero!

E) Finally-- nuclear war. Too bad that once the precious republican agenda gets passed, we won't be around to enjoy it.  But it sure was fun while it lasted!!!

Mexico Issues Travel Warning About U.S.

Dear Dingo:
Please share this with your readers-

Effective immediately. 

The Mexican consulate has issued a travel alert to all Mexican citizens, warning against unnecessary travel to the U.S.A. Due to the frequency of random gun violence, and complete inability to predict when such violence will occur, travel is discouraged. Children and young adults are often the victims in these random assaults, not narcos.

 USA citizens own approximately 300 million guns-- 101 guns per 100 citizens. Next in line ranks Serbia, with 58 guns per 100 citizens.

The USA experiences more firearm deaths per capita than Mexico. Please exercise extreme caution if travel to the USA is absolutely necessary. 

Enjoy the Mexican sunshine, safety and questionable tequila instead.

Treats for Internet Trolls

Dearest Dingo:
Here we go again, more 'made in America' mass shootings... And to make these horrid events even worse---"comments" sections are always filled with the same bizarre, predictable rants-- such as:

A) The government is behind mass shootings !!  It's part of the "New World Order"!!

B)  "But look at Chicago, shootings in Chicago !!" (the crazy response if someone suggests gun control)

Why do these folks feel compelled to say these things??

Answer:

Remember "comments" sections are filled with Russian trolls. Not cute Scandinavian trolls that crouch under bridges scaring Billy goats, but the kind that are drunk on cheap vodka and looking for some extra rubles... Then a crazy dude out to make a buck (hmm, maybe Alex Jones?) spreads the weirdness to excite those tin hat wearing fans of his (which of course includes our predator-in- chief).

Here is how you respond to uncouth trolls:

When they scream: "It's the government!"

 Gently remind them:

** Blaming the government-- means blaming Trump's government. Who holds all the keys to the asylum these days ?? Please write Trump a tweet.

When they scream :" More shootings in Chicago !"

Reply:

**" How nice of you to be concerned about violence and black lives in Chicago! However, how is that even similar to a crazy guy shooting off an automatic weapon at tons of innocent people and children??

Lastly--Regardless, whenever violence by any true American is committed within the USA, remember to say: BUILD A WALL! 

What's Up With Supremacism?

Dear Dingo:

There seems to be much more divisiveness regarding human race these days.

 Please explain how white nationalists believe toothless, dirty and crusty white dudes are somehow superior to educated folks of different races. It makes no sense to me....

Answer:

Suspension of reality. Similar to how it is difficult for some to notice their own foot odor.

Effective white supremacists pretend that moronic white people, white pedophiles, mass murderers, trailer trash, criminals and assorted other white bozos don't really exist. 

Except---

**Please note the white supremacist disclaimer:

"Use of the term white applies only to those pale skinned individuals that we deem to be 'awesome'. This term can not be used by caucasian homosexuals, the disabled, weak, atheists, progressives, environmentalists, scientists, feminists or those that we think look kind of ugly or weird. Exceptions are made for nasty, old white dudes such as Steve Bannon, who may or may not be living in a van down by the river."

The RNC or Gambling NC ??

Dear Dingo:
I just found out that the finance chairman of the RNC is a billionaire casino owner (Wynn). Even more incredible-- the largest donor to the republican party and Trump campaign is another casino billionaire (Adelson). And let's not even talk about our current president's connections to the casino community! 
What does it all mean??
 Why is the current conservative party rolling in gambling revenue??

Answer:
Remember kids--Gambling is not an addictive, family destroying behavior !
No, no--it is in fact, a wholesome and virtuous joy! Just like other republican past times.

Such as:
Pussy grabbing
Voting pro-life, unless your mistress needs an abortion (wink, wink ;)
Eliminating health care benefits, because what is more pro-life than making sure the sick        "get what they deserve" ?
Shooting off large caliber weapons
Eating beautiful chocolate cake, until your vascular dementia sets in...
Smoking (remember--Pence argued it isn't addictive either)
Threatening nuclear war

So grab your cigarettes, a pretty mistress and pull up a chair to the roulette table! Because gambling is a fun way to spend your time until WW III begins !!... Much better than wasting away our last days on earth with boring organic gardens and exercise like the Obama's suggested (snoozer!)

So You Think Your Brain Will Always Be Awesome?

Dear Dingo:

The unspeakable happened again, one human unleashed rage and fire power upon innocent victims--for no apparent reason at all. We are left wondering about motive--why can't we understand?

Answer:

Your kind is plagued by the need for easy, easy answers to hard, hard questions-- categorizing complexity into easily digestible bits. Wouldn't it be nice to reduce the human condition into some sort of Batman movie where "good guys with guns" fight "bad guys with guns" ??  Ending happily ever ! Hurrah!

But I have news for you and your bipedal friends--the brain is neither good nor evil  (the audacity!) It is in fact, able to malfunction and fail just like an ordinary diseased kidney. It is also capable of carrying dark chambers and dislodged wiring.
Look around you--Perfectly "normal" people are walking around with suicidal thoughts, brain injuries, dementia, personality disorders, cognitive impairments, hallucinations or high on drugs.  Ha!

Sometimes these deficits are apparent, but more often than you care to know--they are not. And (brace yourself) it could even happen to you!!--You can't simply "test" someone as "sane or insane" or "good or bad"--because mentality is fluid by nature, psychopaths hide their psychopathy (duh, that's the definition), people take drugs and brain injuries occur in the blink of an eye. 

Now, if you want to "understand" a tragedy--- 1st wrap your little head around the thought that human brains are not perfect. They fail, they get damaged, traumatized and harbor deep disturbing thoughts. Firearms are dangerous because they are predictable killing machines operated by unpredictable brains. And if you can't legislate brains, might as well ban the guns....